A psychiatric facility diagnosed Gage with borderline personality disorder after he punched his hand through a window during a crying episode on a Netflix set. He met the diagnosis with fury — but looking back, he can't dispute the splitting, the codependence, or the favorite-person obsession that had governed his relationships.
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At 1:40:00 · chapter starts 1:36:20
Monica takes Gage through Voicemails for Isabelle, the Netflix rom-com in which Zoey Deutch's character keeps leaving voicemails for her dead sister on a phone number that has since been reassigned to a gorgeous man played by someone Gage describes as objectively hot. Monica, normally scrupulous about not watching guests' work before recording, stumbled on it anyway and loved it — she cried multiple times. The film is discussed as part of a deliberate effort to bring back the flawed-protagonist rom-com, in the tradition of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and My Best Friend's Wedding. Gage then reveals his next project: a Hulu reboot of Prison Break, filming imminently, in which he plays a West Virginia character currently requiring Appalachian dialect coaching. His research method: rewatching Demon Copperhead and bingeing Buckwild on MTV.
Self-help fails because people are sold one universal cure by the hyper-responders who had a transformative result from it. The real problem is context: every method works for the right person at the right time, which is almost never you just because the author says so.
Spencer Greenberg was once so socially anxious his heart pounded just approaching a stranger. His therapist gave him homework: go to a bar alone, talk to 5 strangers. Starting with asking for the time, he worked up to asking men for hugs — and his anxiety fell dramatically in 6 months.
A person who flies regularly but obsessively checks weather forecasts before every flight is not doing exposure therapy — they're teaching their brain that flying is only safe with the ritual. Safety behaviors prevent the brain from ever learning that the feared thing is actually fine.
The worry-time technique assigns all worries to one scheduled slot (e.g. 5 PM). Every time a worry surfaces, you write it down and ban yourself from engaging with it until that time. When 5 PM arrives, most worries feel trivial and the act of batch-worrying exposes how little it actually accomplishes.
In a randomized study of 20 habit techniques, 'habit reflection' stood out: recall a past habit you successfully built, write down what helped you succeed, then apply those same strategies to your new habit. It works because it's self-adapting — it uses whatever worked for YOU.
The tiny habits technique — always having a minimal version of your habit you can do when life gets in the way — keeps the mental machinery of habit formation from breaking. Paradoxically, people given a tiny-habit fallback option were MORE successful at the full habit, not less.
Fears and worries act like playground bullies — they want to ambush you. But when you deliberately seek them out and choose the time of engagement, they lose their power. The volitional act of starting the fight on your own terms is one of CBT's most underappreciated insights.
Most downtime defaults are things you regret immediately after — phone scrolling, binge TV. 'Glad you did it' activities meet the same need for rest but leave you feeling like you spent your time well. The switch from a bad screen to a documentary, a book, or a walk costs almost no extra effort but compounds into identity over time.
You rarely control your first reactive thought. But you can train your second thought — the response to the trigger — by asking whether your initial reaction is the most helpful one and replacing it with something equally true but more constructive. Over time, that second thought becomes automatic.
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