Modern Wisdom

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The Uncomfortable Science Of Sex Differences - Steve Stewart-Williams - #1120

Explore episode Jul 6, 2026

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Who Gets More Jealous in Relationships?

At 2:03:23 · chapter starts 1:58:59

Both sexes are prone to jealousy, but the triggers differ systematically. For men, sexual infidelity is typically more distressing than emotional infidelity because it introduces paternity uncertainty — the only species-wide reproductive threat unique to males. For women, emotional infidelity tends to be more distressing because it signals probable desertion: a partner who falls in love with someone else is likely to leave, which was historically catastrophic for a woman with dependent children. This asymmetry generates different mate-guarding behaviour: men are more focused on monitoring sexual access, women on monitoring emotional commitment. A 23andMe anecdote about a paternal affair discovered three decades later prompts a discussion of how jealousy evolved as a gut reaction that fires regardless of whether the evolutionary circumstances still apply — another illustration of proximate versus ultimate causation.

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