Actual similarity: coin-flip predictor
Objective similarity measures — the kind dating apps use to match people — predict whether two people will click at barely better than coin-flip odds.
Snapshot · Huberman Lab
Science of Attraction, Compatibility & Romance | Dr. Paul Eastwick
Explore episode
Jun 22, 2026
Where this was said
Social Media, Attraction to Alternative Partners, Infidelity
At 2:05:34 · chapter starts 2:03:50
Huberman reveals that Instagram is reportedly the world's largest dating app by a wide margin — a fact that recontextualizes the infidelity risk of social media entirely. Eastwick then lays out two simultaneous processes at work in committed relationships: the derogation of alternatives (happy partners rate attractive others as 'weak sauce') and the 'playing with fire' of seemingly innocent messaging that escalates. [1] — Paul Eastwick "When you're in a happy relationship, your brain downgrades alternative partners — you see them as less desirable than anyone else would. It…" 2:06:40 He also cites recent studies showing that attraction to an alternative can rebound and increase desire for one's actual partner — the data behind Esther Perel's framework. The key distinction, Eastwick argues, is between the fact of attraction (unavoidable, not dangerous) and the repeated follow-through on that attraction (what actually erodes the protective mechanism and creates infidelity risk). He adds a practical note: couples can benefit from acknowledging the reality of attraction without acting on it — a form of healthy compartmentalization.
Instagram: biggest dating app by far
According to an expert source cited by Andrew Huberman, Instagram is effectively the world's largest dating app by an enormous margin, with much of its time spent in DMs that lead to real-world meetings.
Objective Similarity Is a Coin Flip for Compatibility
Take every measurable trait two people have in common, run the math, and your ability to predict whether they'll click is barely better than random chance. Dating app compatibility algorithms are built on a premise that the science doesn't support.
Derogation of Alternatives: The Mind's Relationship Shield
When you're in a happy relationship, your brain downgrades alternative partners — you see them as less desirable than anyone else would. It's not delusion; it's a built-in protective mechanism. And it's why the marketplace metaphor for attraction ultimately breaks down.
The Infidelity Pipeline: From Innocent DMs to Eroded Loyalty
The danger in infidelity isn't the initial moment of attraction — it's the repeated follow-through. Each subsequent conversation with someone you're attracted to erodes the protective mechanism that keeps your partner at the center of your desires. Instagram made this process frictionless.
Attraction Can Rebound Onto Your Partner
Recent studies show that when people in relationships experience attraction to someone else, desire can boomerang back and increase feelings for their actual partner. Esther Perel has described this dynamic for years. Now it has data behind it.
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