Podbit · Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Every story in the episode converges on the same demographic: older men, often with wives away or deceased, finally acting on long-suppressed curiosity. Younger patients use proper sex toys; every case involving glass, wood, or other dangerous materials has been someone over 65 who didn't know — or couldn't admit — there were safer options.
Where this was said
At 44:59 · chapter starts 33:20
Lucy sets the scene: a big-city trauma center in 2021, an EMS call for an 80-year-old with stable vitals and abdominal pain — a thoroughly routine presentation. The medic pulls Lucy aside to share two things: the patient had confessed en route that he'd inserted something rectally two days earlier, and his wife had recently died. Lucy immediately reads the room and focuses on compassion over curiosity, assuring the stoic elderly man that they'll get it out. He declines pain medication. The ER doctor finds the object on the first attempt but can't get a grip due to suction and slipperiness; the patient simply says 'just do it' as the doctor attempts a second time, going fully elbow-deep. [1] — Lucy "An 80-year-old man whose wife had recently died waited two days before calling an ambulance about a large wooden banister piece in his rect…" 34:25 Moments later there's a pop, and the doctor is holding what Lucy describes as a 6-by-8-inch piece of wooden banister, roughly bishop-shaped, covered in blood and stool, and not perfectly sanded. The doctor bags it and walks out. An hour later, security calls: the nephew is here. Lucy races to the room, positions herself between the door and the specimen bag, tells the nephew she has 'absolutely no idea' what's causing the pain, and slides out while dropping the evidence in the trash. [2] — Lucy "After the extraction, Lucy left the wooden object in a specimen bag on the counter. Minutes later, the patient's unsuspecting nephew arrive…" 41:50 George's dignity survives intact.
Lucy the ER nurse estimated she has seen between 20 and 30 rectal foreign body cases in her 12-year career.
An 80-year-old man whose wife had recently died waited two days before calling an ambulance about a large wooden banister piece in his rectum. The ER doctor went elbow-deep to remove it. The object was unsanded and bloodied, roughly the shape of a chess bishop — but enormous.
Lucy noted that rectal foreign body cases often arrive in clusters, with multiple presenting in close succession for reasons she cannot explain.
The 80-year-old widower waited approximately two days after inserting the object before calling 911, likely hoping it would resolve on its own.
The ER doctor had to go fully elbow-deep to retrieve the wooden banister piece from the 80-year-old patient after failing on the first attempt.
Lucy's 80-year-old patient had inserted a piece of wooden banister described as 6 inches wide and 8 inches long into his rectum.
Most people confuse things they value instrumentally (because they get them other things) with things they value intrinsically (for their own sake). Greenberg's friend stayed in a miserable relationship for years because she was living by her parents' values, not her own — the values map made the mismatch instantly visible.
Jungian analyst James Hollis distills a good life to four things: shut up (have gratitude, stop whining), suit up (prepare yourself to fulfill a role), show up (do the actual work in service of others), and daily get out of stimulus-response to ask what your deeper wish actually is. The whole landscape of self-help slots into just these four bins.
Toward the end of their 20s, many men discover that all the strategies that earned them recognition and success have stopped working. It's a second adolescence — more important than the first — where the question shifts from 'how do I play the game?' to 'who do I actually want to become?' Most people going through it look fragile from the outside. They're actually building a foundation.
Boys are told from childhood not to cry, not to feel, not to be weak — but anger gets a pass. The result: a generation of men who reroute every emotion, including sadness and fear, through the only acceptable channel. Emotional avoidance isn't toughness, it's misdirected sensitivity.
Men need a 'bank account' of masculine status — muscle, money, success — before society grants them permission to express vulnerability. Chris Bumstead can cry at the Olympia and get celebrated. A struggling nobody doing the same thing gets contempt. This creates a tragic paradox where the men who most need emotional support get the least of it.
Emotional sensitivity isn't a defect — it's a high-resolution scanner for human experience. Highly sensitive people pick up body language, tone, and unspoken tension that others miss entirely. In the right environment, that's not a liability. It's a superpower.
Her supervisor told her she was too emotional for the pediatric ICU. So she asked herself: 'What area of medicine can I cry in?' That question led her to psychiatry. Finding the environment that holds your emotional sensitivity isn't retreat — it's strategy.
For someone with RSD, ghosting isn't ambiguity — it's a self-verdict. Their brain doesn't read 'this relationship ended,' it reads 'I am the reason this failed.' No closure means the brain fills the gap with evidence of personal insufficiency, and it keeps filling indefinitely.
More freedom doesn't produce more happiness — it produces more anxiety. Kierkegaard identified this 180 years ago: the more options you have, the more you feel the 'dizziness of freedom,' a paralytic unease at having to choose any single one. The freest generation in history is, by his prediction, exactly the most anxious.
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