Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Podbit · Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Lukas Gage

Explore episode Jul 6, 2026
Society & Culture
Shame, Secrecy, and a Slower Coming-Out Story

Lukas Gage · Jul 6, 2026 Society & Culture

Gage didn't always know he was gay. Early sexual abuse gave him a ready excuse to explain away curiosity. For years, any same-sex feeling got attributed to trauma rather than identity. Coming out at a Little Mermaid audition — in tears — was the moment the performance finally cracked.

Where this was said

Smiling Through Trauma: The Psychology of Deflection

At 38:00 · chapter starts 35:59

Picking up from the sexual abuse discussion, the conversation lingers on how people signal safety by smiling through pain. Monica recalls Gabor Maté calling her out in real time for smiling while recounting something genuinely sad, and her slow realisation that the smile was a form of emotional management for the listener. Gage notes he did it earlier in the conversation. Dax articulates the mechanism: the smile says 'I'm embarrassed to be this heavy, let me carry it lightly so you don't have to feel bad for me.' All three recognise it in themselves, and the acknowledgment itself feels like a moment of genuine connection.

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