Podbit · The Bill Simmons Podcast
Erling Haaland is the first striker Bill Simmons has ever watched who genuinely reminds him of a dominant basketball big man. Early '90s Shaq on bodies, Hakeem on footwork, young Shawn Kemp on headers — and then the Michael Myers post-goal face. He is making Norway a tournament dark horse.
Where this was said
At 48:59 · chapter starts 34:04
A listener question asking whether the Jaylen Brown trade belongs on the Mount Rushmore of malpractice deals opens Simmons' best list segment of the episode. The definitive 'oh no' trades: the Luka Doncic trade (the clear number one, 'different species of horrible'), Barkley to Phoenix for Hornacek, Lang, and Tim Perry ('immediately calling Joe House'), Harden to Houston, Philadelphia trading the 1986 number 1 pick for Roy Hinson and $750,000, Portland dealing Moses Malone for $232,000 and one pick only for Buffalo to flip him for two number 1s six days later, and the Utah Jazz trading the 1982 number 3 pick (Dominique Wilkins) for John Drew and $750,000. Zach Lowe correctly notes the Jaylen Brown trade isn't comparable to the Luka deal in magnitude. Conspiracy Bill gets multiple entries: the Kawhi-to-Toronto theory (Adam Silver secretly orchestrating the trade to punish the Clippers' Aspiration scheme involvement), and the idea that Ballmer buying the Seahawks and selling the Clippers would provide cover for a quiet punishment. Listeners also get the Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce wedding fake-out, the Brad Stevens Godfather Part III analogy, and a very credible theory about Celtics clearing space for Cooper Flagg in 2028.
Bill Simmons revealed he was coming out of anesthesia when his wife broke the Jaylen Brown trade news to him. He literally could not process it. Zach Lowe adds that multiple NBA executives called him that day asking 'Is Bill okay?' — and their reactions upon finding out where Simmons was were described as the most gleeful laughing he'd ever heard from grizzled veteran league men.
The Celtics went on a run to win 56 games in the 2024-25 regular season despite a shaky start, which makes the decision to trade Jaylen Brown even more debated.
Simmons puts Jaylen Brown's blame pie at 45% salary, 40% self-awareness and role questions, and the rest on analytics. Lowe goes higher on contract — at least 50%. The on-off metrics don't tell the full story when a player carries 37-minute loads, guards the best player every night, and plays hurt all season.
Zach Lowe argued Jaylen Brown's salary was at least 50% of the reason for his trade, while Bill Simmons attributed 45% to the contract and 40% to self-awareness issues.
Zach Lowe estimated Jamal Murray's salary at approximately $50-57 million per year, raising the question of whether Denver would face similar trade-value concerns as Boston did with Jaylen Brown.
Paul George has made 8 All-Star teams and averaged 21-6-4 for his career with 39% from three, a resume Bill Simmons tried to use to justify the Celtics' trade.
Thomas's wife deferred her CrossFit career — she's in the global top 1% of athletes — to put him through law school debt-free. He wants her to chase the dream now; she wants the emergency fund and house down payment first. On a $200K lawyer income with no debt, the opportunity cost is just a few months of slower saving.
Underground calisthenics battles are exactly like UFC meets a rap battle — 150 people crowded around a circle, fighters walking out with masks and chains, nicknames like 'Extra Money' vs 'Calisthenics the Prince,' and people throwing money and betting. The battle set: 100 burpees, 50 muscle-ups, 75 dips, 75 squats with a 65-pound dumbbell. This is the next big spectator sport.
Rico Verhoeven controlled the undisputed heavyweight boxing champion for approximately 10 rounds — and had his appeal upheld when officials admitted the fight was stopped after the bell. The result was never overturned. Rogan calls it either incompetence or corruption, and argues the money behind Usyk made an upset politically inconvenient.
Rogan lays out a blunt case: boxing's 3-judge system is structurally broken, and the judges know who the promoter wants to win. Glory's 5-judge format is the right model. Corruption doesn't have to be conscious — just knowing Usyk is the cash cow is enough to tilt the scales.
With the Usyk-Wilder fight stalling and Fury-Joshua coming too late, the real fight the world wants is the rematch. Rico is a free agent. Usyk vacated his belts. The story is unfinished and both Rogan and Rico know it. His Excellency Turki Alasheikh already called for it ringside — the question is money.
Rico texted Jason Statham during the Canelo-Crawford fight. Statham showed Rico's highlight videos to promoters. Two days later, Rico was on a call about fighting Anthony Joshua. When Joshua pulled out, Rico pitched Usyk himself — Undisputed vs. Undisputed. Usyk said yes in two weeks. The whole thing started with one text.
Every heavyweight who faced Usyk tried to move to the right — straight into his power hand. Rico and Peter Fury identified the obvious solution: move left, away from the left hand, and smother him with size. It sounds simple. Nobody had done it. That one adjustment was the foundation of 10 dominant rounds.
MMA fans boo when fights go to the ground. They love stand-up. Kickboxing is pure stand-up. Yet it barely exists in America while boxing and MMA are enormous. Rogan's diagnosis: no promotion machine. If the UFC got behind kickboxing the way they've built MMA, it would explode. The talent is there — the storytelling machine is not.
A nation of 17 million people gave the world Ramon Deckers, Peter Aerts, Badr Hari, Melvin Manhoef, Rob Kamen, Ernesto Hoost, and Rico Verhoeven. Rico's theory: the country is so small that every gym shares knowledge freely. In the US, you need a flight. In Holland, you drive 40 minutes and spar the national champion.
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