Podbit · We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson
Both Missé and Paul had been furious at the people they lost. Missé explains that the anger isn't resentment — it's love that has no outlet. When someone is gone, the love doesn't disappear, it just has nowhere to go.
Where this was said
At 1:32:40 · chapter starts 1:22:10
Missé was supposed to be in Ibiza for a magazine cover shoot, but a lost passport changed everything. Unable to fly back to England, she was sent by police to the Swedish embassy in Mallorca — meaning she spent the night on the same island as Jake without either of them knowing. She woke to 10 missed calls. Her first fear was that something had happened to River. When Jake's father said it was Jake, she heard the weight in his voice before the word arrived. What followed was total collapse: guilt, panic, grief for River, grief for Jake's family — especially his mother, father, and brother, whose loss she understood intimately from her own experience. [1] — Missé Beqiri "Missé Beqiri was stranded in Mallorca after losing her passport — not knowing that Jake Hall was also there and dying that very night. She …" 1:24:50 The days that followed brought the strange comfort of strangers' support and the strange pain of watching her daughter grieve a father she adored. She speaks about Jake's final Instagram post — 'Remember the good things' — with a tenderness that suggests she has thought about it every day since. [2] — Missé Beqiri "Hours before Jake Hall died, he posted 'Remember the good things' on Instagram. Missé believes he wanted to be remembered for his love, his…" 1:31:20 The funeral, just a week before this recording, was a celebration by intention: because that is what Jake would have wanted, and because Missé has learnt, from losing her brother, that burying grief only delays the pain. [3] — Missé Beqiri "Both Missé and Paul had been furious at the people they lost. Missé explains that the anger isn't resentment — it's love that has no outlet…" 1:32:40
Jake Hall was 35 years old when he died, with his whole life ahead of him according to Missé.
Missé Beqiri was stranded in Mallorca after losing her passport — not knowing that Jake Hall was also there and dying that very night. She only found out when she woke to 10 missed calls the next morning, and her first thought was that something had happened to her daughter River.
Missé says the love between Jake Hall and their daughter River was 'insanity' — a word she uses almost with awe. Whatever friction existed between her and Jake, it dissolved the moment he was with River. That bond is what makes the loss most devastating.
Missé was unknowingly in Mallorca — the same location as Jake — the night he died, having been stranded there after losing her passport.
Missé doesn't just grieve Jake Hall's death — she's haunted by the question of whether a single phone call could have changed everything. Knowing she was in the same city that night makes the silence unbearable.
Hours before he died, Jake Hall posted on Instagram: 'Remember the good things.'
Hours before Jake Hall died, he posted 'Remember the good things' on Instagram. Missé believes he wanted to be remembered for his love, his creativity, and how hard he fought the internal voice that tormented him.
Self-help fails because people are sold one universal cure by the hyper-responders who had a transformative result from it. The real problem is context: every method works for the right person at the right time, which is almost never you just because the author says so.
Spencer Greenberg was once so socially anxious his heart pounded just approaching a stranger. His therapist gave him homework: go to a bar alone, talk to 5 strangers. Starting with asking for the time, he worked up to asking men for hugs — and his anxiety fell dramatically in 6 months.
A person who flies regularly but obsessively checks weather forecasts before every flight is not doing exposure therapy — they're teaching their brain that flying is only safe with the ritual. Safety behaviors prevent the brain from ever learning that the feared thing is actually fine.
The worry-time technique assigns all worries to one scheduled slot (e.g. 5 PM). Every time a worry surfaces, you write it down and ban yourself from engaging with it until that time. When 5 PM arrives, most worries feel trivial and the act of batch-worrying exposes how little it actually accomplishes.
In a randomized study of 20 habit techniques, 'habit reflection' stood out: recall a past habit you successfully built, write down what helped you succeed, then apply those same strategies to your new habit. It works because it's self-adapting — it uses whatever worked for YOU.
The tiny habits technique — always having a minimal version of your habit you can do when life gets in the way — keeps the mental machinery of habit formation from breaking. Paradoxically, people given a tiny-habit fallback option were MORE successful at the full habit, not less.
Fears and worries act like playground bullies — they want to ambush you. But when you deliberately seek them out and choose the time of engagement, they lose their power. The volitional act of starting the fight on your own terms is one of CBT's most underappreciated insights.
Most downtime defaults are things you regret immediately after — phone scrolling, binge TV. 'Glad you did it' activities meet the same need for rest but leave you feeling like you spent your time well. The switch from a bad screen to a documentary, a book, or a walk costs almost no extra effort but compounds into identity over time.
You rarely control your first reactive thought. But you can train your second thought — the response to the trigger — by asking whether your initial reaction is the most helpful one and replacing it with something equally true but more constructive. Over time, that second thought becomes automatic.
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