Podbit · We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson
Colton prayed to God to make him straight, joined The Bachelor believing the public heterosexuality would trap him into straightness, and even got a large cross tattoo on his wrist — then wrapped it during same-sex encounters. He was running his own conversion therapy.
Where this was said
At 18:24 · chapter starts 12:13
This is the longest and most revealing chapter of the episode. Colton explains his increasingly elaborate system of self-concealment: telling college friends he had a girlfriend back home, and home friends he was seeing someone at college, so the two groups could never cross-reference. He joined FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes), attended Bible study, and prayed sincerely to God to make him straight [1] — Colton Underwood "Colton prayed to God to make him straight, joined The Bachelor believing the public heterosexuality would trap him into straightness, and e…" 18:24 . To survive the locker room, he kept a folder of women's photos on his phone ready to produce at a moment's notice. For the rare same-sex encounters he did allow himself, he imposed an iron rule: married men only, because they had more to lose. The emotional cost was profound — he became expert at severing his own feelings, a learned skill that still affects his marriage to Jordan today. Paul gently names the experience as chronic internalised homophobia, and Colton agrees that watching Ellen on his small dorm TV was sometimes his only therapy.
Every coach in Colton's life made homophobic remarks as a matter of course, using gay slurs only when players screwed up. That relentless messaging fused sexual identity with failure, and drove Colton so deep into the closet he couldn't even defend gay teammates without risking exposure.
Colton kept a fake folder of women's photos on his phone to produce during locker-room peacocking sessions. Each small lie required another, and the spider web of deception eventually disconnected him from his own identity.
Colton kept a folder of women's photos on his phone to show teammates in the locker room and deflect questions about his sexuality.
Colton prayed to God to make him straight and believed becoming The Bachelor would force him into heterosexuality through public performance.
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