Quote · The Louis Theroux Podcast
S8 EP4: Cara Delevingne discusses getting sober, engagement rumours, and being Karl Lagerfeld's muse
Where this was said
Abandonment, Attachment, and the Relationship Trap
At 32:25 · chapter starts 32:20
This is the most psychologically dense section of the conversation. Cara describes an abandonment dynamic she has come to understand clearly: she doesn't ask for closeness directly; she provokes. She pushes people to see if they'll leave, and if they do, the worst belief is confirmed — that she is an unlovable monster and nobody who really knew her could stay. She is careful to distinguish this from jealousy or possessiveness, framing it instead as a deep structural belief about her own worthiness. She traces it to a feeling, never consciously held but emotionally operative, that if her own mother's love was insufficient to overcome her illness, then Cara must be the most unlovable person in the world. She knows rationally that this isn't true. The feeling runs deeper than reason. [1] — Cara Delevingne "I'll test them because in my head I start thinking that the person I love is going to leave no matter what I do. So I start pushing them to…" 32:25
Cara says her current relationship feels like the first time she has ever truly been in love, because she is finally experiencing it without substances blurring the signal. In every previous relationship, drugs or work were always the priority. Now, if the relationship isn't okay, she isn't okay — and she's fully aware that might tip into codependency.
