Quote · The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Rewire Your Mind to Handle Anything, Turn Off Stress, & Calm Your Body
Where this was said
Flexible Mindset: Moving the Goalpost After Life Changes Direction
At 34:30 · chapter starts 30:35
The goalpost metaphor, borrowed from resilience researcher Lucy Hone, becomes one of the episode's most memorable images [1] — Dr. Tara Narula "When resilience researcher Lucy Hone's 12-year-old daughter died, she picked up her goalpost and moved it. That image — still playing the g…" 30:35 . After her daughter's death, Hone realised she still had a husband and sons to live for — so she picked up the goalpost she had been aiming at and placed it somewhere new. Dr. Narula uses this to explain flexible thinking in medicine: she cannot give back dead heart cells or a lost limb, but she can help patients aim toward a different, still-meaningful life. Mel pushes back with the honest objection that 'I don't want a new goal' — and Dr. Narula acknowledges that Acceptance Commitment Therapy and mindfulness are the tools that bridge the gap between resistance and reorientation. The key insight is that staring at a goalpost that no longer exists doesn't just cause sadness — it actively generates more stress.
When resilience researcher Lucy Hone's 12-year-old daughter died, she picked up her goalpost and moved it. That image — still playing the game, just toward a different goal — is the essence of flexible thinking after catastrophic loss.
Draw a circle and slice it into every role you play — parent, artist, athlete, friend. Your diagnosis? One thin sliver. The identity pie exercise makes it viscerally clear that no single event can consume your whole self.
