Snapshot · On Purpose with Jay Shetty
We mistake the intensity of our own self-consciousness for the amount of attention others are paying us; most people are too absorbed in their own fears to analyze us closely.
Where this was said
At 21:55 · chapter starts 18:47
Jay names the fear of judgment as one of the biggest fuels feeding avoidance, producing the nagging questions: What will people think? What if I'm embarrassing? What if I fail publicly? A lot of people, he observes, are organizing their entire lives around avoiding embarrassment — softening their opinions, delaying their dreams, refusing to be beginners [1] — Jay Shetty "Most people organizing their lives around avoiding embarrassment are scared of people who are barely thinking about them — old classmates, …" 20:20 . But when you get specific about whose judgment you're actually afraid of, something revealing happens. You're scared someone from high school will think your video is cringeworthy. You're worried old coworkers will judge your career pivot. But how much time do you actually spend judging others the way you imagine being judged? When someone you vaguely know posts a video trying something new, do you analyze it for hours — or glance at it for ten seconds and move on? Jay argues that we dramatically overestimate how much others think about us because we mistake the intensity of our own self-consciousness for the amount of attention we're actually receiving. Most people are far too consumed by their own insecurities, fears, and internal narratives to spend nearly as much time analyzing us as we fear. His prescription: get specific about whose opinion you fear, then ask whether those people have the courage, life, or self-awareness you actually want to model your decisions around.
Most people organizing their lives around avoiding embarrassment are scared of people who are barely thinking about them — old classmates, former coworkers, people online. Your actual life is passing while you manage hypothetical reactions.
Many people organize their entire lives around avoiding embarrassment from people — like old classmates or former colleagues — who are barely thinking about them.
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