A man left nearly half a million dollars by a dying coworker is afraid to tell anyone — and the hosts debate whether he should keep it secret forever.
Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
A man left nearly half a million dollars by a dying coworker is afraid to tell anyone — and the hosts debate whether he should keep it secret forever.
TL;DR
Shayne Topp, Ian Hecox, and Damien Haas tackle five wildly varied Reddit advice posts: a podcaster hijacked by a Dragon Ball superfan [1] — Shayne Topp "A podcaster typed a Reddit SOS mid-recording while their co-host monologued the entire Dragon Ball timeline for 50+ minutes. The hosts deba…" 03:03 , a 27-year-old grappling with guilt over a half-million-dollar inheritance from a deceased coworker [2] — Shayne Topp "A 27-year-old Reddit user inherited nearly half a million dollars from a dying 67-year-old coworker who had no family. The money is life-ch…" 11:31 , a thought experiment about fighting kindergartners [3] — Shayne Topp "The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The h…" 29:05 , a man with a bee-sting-induced 24-hour erection [4] — Shayne Topp "A man was stung by a bee near his abdomen and developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours. He rode it out without seeking hel…" 43:30 , and someone panicking after successfully rehabbing an injured pigeon [5] — Shayne Topp "Someone nursed an injured pigeon back to health — and then panicked when it started flying around their house. The hosts can't stop laughin…" 48:17 . The single most useful takeaway: you are never obligated to share the details of an inheritance — a vague "a close friend passed away" covers it.
Shayne Topp, Ian Hecox, and Damien Haas read and react to five Reddit advice posts covering a Dragon Ball-obsessed podcast co-host, a guilt-ridden inheritance, a kindergartner fight hypothetical, a bee-sting-induced medical emergency, and a pigeon rescue gone unexpectedly well.
The episode opens with two pre-roll advertisements — McDonald's pitching its new summer drink lineup and Amazon Prime promoting Reacher with a punching pun. Shayne Topp then welcomes listeners to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories, announces the theme of advice, and introduces Ian Hecox and Damien Haas. Ian immediately declares that every piece of advice he gives today will be completely sincere, setting up an ironic tension that will persist throughout the episode. Damien pays Ian a genuine compliment about his thoughtful real-life advice, and Ian waits anxiously for the punchline that never comes.
Shayne reads a 2020 post from r/needadvice: a podcaster is frantically asking for help while their co-host explains the entire Dragon Ball timeline without stopping, even dismissing concerns by saying 'it's content.' The Smosh hosts immediately dig into the lore — Damien name-drops Dr. Slump, Akira Toriyama's precursor to Dragon Ball, and the full Dragon Ball GT and Super timeline — before arriving at a genuine insight [1] — Shayne Topp "A podcaster typed a Reddit SOS mid-recording while their co-host monologued the entire Dragon Ball timeline for 50+ minutes. The hosts deba…" 03:03 : this guy is misunderstanding the medium. Damien argues he'd thrive on TikTok as a solo creator [2] — Damien Haas "If you want to rant about anime for 50 minutes, don't do it on someone else's podcast. Damien points out that TikTok and YouTube were liter…" 05:11 , and the group ultimately lands on the real fix — structured podcast planning with defined roles. The post's update reveals the OP used a presidential-debate-style countdown to get their turn back, resolving the friendship but probably not the podcast.
Shayne reads a 2025 post from r/Advice: a young man in lower management learned his terminally ill coworker — a 67-year-old retired detective with no family — left him her SUV and an investment, plus $350,000 to his mother to buy a home, and her $400,000 house to another colleague. Close to a million dollars in total, distributed to people she considered family [1] — Shayne Topp "A 27-year-old Reddit user inherited nearly half a million dollars from a dying 67-year-old coworker who had no family. The money is life-ch…" 11:31 . The OP is overwhelmed by guilt, worried about workplace perception, and unsure whether honesty or secrecy is the healthier path. Ian advocates selling the car and using the vague but true phrase 'a close friend passed,' while Shayne draws a comparison to lottery winners advised to stay anonymous. Damien delivers the episode's most incisive psychological observation [2] — Damien Haas "Guilt tricks you into thinking you had control over something you didn't. Damien breaks down why the inheritance OP's guilt is really just …" 18:20 : guilt is a mechanism for manufacturing a sense of control — telling yourself 'I could have stopped this' means 'I had power over this.' But the OP didn't befriend this woman to get her money; the money came because the kindness was real. Shayne closes with a truth that stings: you can do everything right and still be perceived as guilty, and the world gives you no protection from that.
The tone shifts hard. Shayne reads an AskMen post from 2019 laying out elaborate rules for a hypothetical kindergartner fight: five children released every 30 seconds, unarmed, in a barren 40x25-foot classroom, with the goal of pinning you for 15 seconds [1] — Shayne Topp "The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The h…" 29:05 . The group spends several minutes earnestly strategizing — Ian proposes a football charge on the first wave, Damien argues for something to keep them at distance, and Damien floats 'dress as a dentist' as a fear tactic before they all agree the sim children probably can't feel fear anyway. Damien raises the genuinely important point that actually knocking someone unconscious is nothing like the movies — it requires severe force and causes real concussion. The hosts collectively mock a Reddit commenter who claims he could survive 15–20 waves, noting that 60 seconds of boxing alone will destroy an untrained person. Shayne's power-scaling side-tangent about the subreddit r/PowerScaling briefly hijacks proceedings, leading to the episode's best joke: Damien nominates Ian Hecox as the fictional character most capable of swaying an evil dictator.
Shayne reads a 2023 post from r/Advice: a man in another country was stung by a bee a few inches below the belly button, developed an immediate and lasting erection, slept on it, woke up to find it still there, and went about his scheduled day anyway [1] — Shayne Topp "A man was stung by a bee near his abdomen and developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours. He rode it out without seeking hel…" 43:30 . The hosts are equal parts amused and alarmed. Damien explains from memory that after four hours, the trapped blood stops circulating and begins to deteriorate — a condition the medical comments confirm as priapism, which can cause permanent scarring and erectile dysfunction within 4–6 hours and total loss of function beyond that. Shayne notes the condition is so serious that The Pit (a medical drama) featured a full on-screen drainage procedure. The OP's eventual update — '18 hours later, it's finally back to normal, just extremely purple' — earns the episode's most relieved laughter. The Pokémon 'Horn Attack' joke lands perfectly.
The final story comes from r/needadvice in 2020: a person found an injured pigeon, housed it until it healed, and then posted in confusion when it started flying around their home. The hosts' initial reaction — 'just open a window and let it go' — gets undercut by a second edit revealing the OP has muscular dystrophy and physically cannot open windows or retrieve fallen screens alone [1] — Shayne Topp "Someone nursed an injured pigeon back to health — and then panicked when it started flying around their house. The hosts can't stop laughin…" 48:17 . Damien acknowledges he hadn't considered this and uses it as a lesson in clear communication: context completely changes advice. The group also riffs on the real hazards of housing wild animals, with Damien sharing his personal bird mite infestation story that required full fumigation at 150°F. Ian notes that pigeons were originally domesticated by humans, which is why urban pigeons seem aimless. Shayne praises the OP for not having photos — it makes the story feel more authentic than staged wildlife rescue videos. The episode closes with Shayne issuing his power-scaling question as homework for viewers, Ian asking the internet to weigh in on how much a kindergartner weighs, and the hosts signing off with a warm 'see you next Saturday, enjoy your pancakes.'
Chapter 2 · 02:15
Shayne reads a 2020 post from r/needadvice: a podcaster is frantically asking for help while their co-host explains the entire Dragon Ball timeline without stopping, even dismissing concerns by saying 'it's content.' The Smosh hosts immediately dig into the lore — Damien name-drops Dr. Slump, Akira Toriyama's precursor to Dragon Ball, and the full Dragon Ball GT and Super timeline — before arriving at a genuine insight [1] — Shayne Topp "A podcaster typed a Reddit SOS mid-recording while their co-host monologued the entire Dragon Ball timeline for 50+ minutes. The hosts deba…" 03:03 : this guy is misunderstanding the medium. Damien argues he'd thrive on TikTok as a solo creator [2] — Damien Haas "If you want to rant about anime for 50 minutes, don't do it on someone else's podcast. Damien points out that TikTok and YouTube were liter…" 05:11 , and the group ultimately lands on the real fix — structured podcast planning with defined roles. The post's update reveals the OP used a presidential-debate-style countdown to get their turn back, resolving the friendship but probably not the podcast.
A podcaster typed a Reddit SOS mid-recording while their co-host monologued the entire Dragon Ball timeline for 50+ minutes. The hosts debate whether this is a friendship problem, a podcast structure problem, or secretly great content waiting for the right platform.
A podcaster typed a Reddit plea for help while their co-host monologued the entire Dragon Ball timeline without stopping for 50+ minutes.
If you want to rant about anime for 50 minutes, don't do it on someone else's podcast. Damien points out that TikTok and YouTube were literally built for this — there's a massive audience for niche obsessive content, but it has to be intentional.
Chapter 3 · 10:25
Shayne reads a 2025 post from r/Advice: a young man in lower management learned his terminally ill coworker — a 67-year-old retired detective with no family — left him her SUV and an investment, plus $350,000 to his mother to buy a home, and her $400,000 house to another colleague. Close to a million dollars in total, distributed to people she considered family [1] — Shayne Topp "A 27-year-old Reddit user inherited nearly half a million dollars from a dying 67-year-old coworker who had no family. The money is life-ch…" 11:31 . The OP is overwhelmed by guilt, worried about workplace perception, and unsure whether honesty or secrecy is the healthier path. Ian advocates selling the car and using the vague but true phrase 'a close friend passed,' while Shayne draws a comparison to lottery winners advised to stay anonymous. Damien delivers the episode's most incisive psychological observation [2] — Damien Haas "Guilt tricks you into thinking you had control over something you didn't. Damien breaks down why the inheritance OP's guilt is really just …" 18:20 : guilt is a mechanism for manufacturing a sense of control — telling yourself 'I could have stopped this' means 'I had power over this.' But the OP didn't befriend this woman to get her money; the money came because the kindness was real. Shayne closes with a truth that stings: you can do everything right and still be perceived as guilty, and the world gives you no protection from that.
A 27-year-old Reddit user inherited nearly half a million dollars from a dying 67-year-old coworker who had no family. The money is life-changing. The problem? He works with people who knew her, drives her car, and has no idea how to explain any of it without sparking jealousy or suspicion.
Guilt tricks you into thinking you had control over something you didn't. Damien breaks down why the inheritance OP's guilt is really just the psyche trying to make an uncontrollable situation feel like a choice — and why that logic falls apart when you examine it.
Damien observed that guilt is often the brain's way of creating a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation — if you're guilty, it feels like it was your choice.
The coworker in the inheritance story was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable kidney cancer, retired early, and rapidly declined over a few months before passing away.
A 67-year-old woman with no family left her 27-year-old work friend her SUV plus an investment, and left his mother $350,000 — nearly half a million dollars total.
The deceased woman's will instructed the OP's mother to use $350,000 to buy a home and move in with her son so he could care for her as she ages.
The same woman also left the deed to her $400,000 home to another coworker the same age as the OP, making the total estate distributed to non-family members well over $900,000.
The OP did everything right: was kind to a lonely colleague, never expected anything, and was simply included in her will. None of that matters to jealous coworkers. Shayne lands on the uncomfortable truth that you can be completely innocent and still be completely screwed by how people perceive you.
Chapter 4 · 27:12
The tone shifts hard. Shayne reads an AskMen post from 2019 laying out elaborate rules for a hypothetical kindergartner fight: five children released every 30 seconds, unarmed, in a barren 40x25-foot classroom, with the goal of pinning you for 15 seconds [1] — Shayne Topp "The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The h…" 29:05 . The group spends several minutes earnestly strategizing — Ian proposes a football charge on the first wave, Damien argues for something to keep them at distance, and Damien floats 'dress as a dentist' as a fear tactic before they all agree the sim children probably can't feel fear anyway. Damien raises the genuinely important point that actually knocking someone unconscious is nothing like the movies — it requires severe force and causes real concussion. The hosts collectively mock a Reddit commenter who claims he could survive 15–20 waves, noting that 60 seconds of boxing alone will destroy an untrained person. Shayne's power-scaling side-tangent about the subreddit r/PowerScaling briefly hijacks proceedings, leading to the episode's best joke: Damien nominates Ian Hecox as the fictional character most capable of swaying an evil dictator.
The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The hosts quickly realize cardio is the real enemy here, and that 15–20 waves is pure fantasy.
The hypothetical kindergartner fight scenario releases five children every 30 seconds into a 40x25-foot empty classroom, with no weapons allowed for either side.
Ian proposes a football-charge opening move to scatter the first wave; Damien argues you need something to keep them at distance. Everyone agrees that the commenters claiming 15–20 waves have never thrown a punch in their life — boxing for 60 seconds alone will drop you.
Damien estimated the average kindergartner weighs around 50 pounds, reasoning backward from his own childhood weight as a larger-than-average second grader.
Shayne wants to post his ultimate Reddit power-scaling question: if you could send one fictional character to live with an evil dictator for a week and try to turn them good, who do you pick? Paddington, Ted Lasso, SpongeBob — or someone weirder? Damien's answer: Ian Hecox.
Shayne pitched a fictional power-scaling scenario: which fictional character — Paddington, Ted Lasso, or SpongeBob — would be best at swaying an evil dictator to goodness in one week?
Chapter 5 · 41:21
Shayne reads a 2023 post from r/Advice: a man in another country was stung by a bee a few inches below the belly button, developed an immediate and lasting erection, slept on it, woke up to find it still there, and went about his scheduled day anyway [1] — Shayne Topp "A man was stung by a bee near his abdomen and developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours. He rode it out without seeking hel…" 43:30 . The hosts are equal parts amused and alarmed. Damien explains from memory that after four hours, the trapped blood stops circulating and begins to deteriorate — a condition the medical comments confirm as priapism, which can cause permanent scarring and erectile dysfunction within 4–6 hours and total loss of function beyond that. Shayne notes the condition is so serious that The Pit (a medical drama) featured a full on-screen drainage procedure. The OP's eventual update — '18 hours later, it's finally back to normal, just extremely purple' — earns the episode's most relieved laughter. The Pokémon 'Horn Attack' joke lands perfectly.
A man was stung by a bee near his abdomen and developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours. He rode it out without seeking help — which the hosts and Reddit commenters agree was medically reckless, since priapism causes permanent tissue damage after just 4–6 hours.
Medical commenters warned that an erection lasting 4–6 hours causes oxygen deprivation in penile tissue, leading to permanent scarring and irreversible erectile dysfunction.
Chapter 6 · 46:39
The final story comes from r/needadvice in 2020: a person found an injured pigeon, housed it until it healed, and then posted in confusion when it started flying around their home. The hosts' initial reaction — 'just open a window and let it go' — gets undercut by a second edit revealing the OP has muscular dystrophy and physically cannot open windows or retrieve fallen screens alone [1] — Shayne Topp "Someone nursed an injured pigeon back to health — and then panicked when it started flying around their house. The hosts can't stop laughin…" 48:17 . Damien acknowledges he hadn't considered this and uses it as a lesson in clear communication: context completely changes advice. The group also riffs on the real hazards of housing wild animals, with Damien sharing his personal bird mite infestation story that required full fumigation at 150°F. Ian notes that pigeons were originally domesticated by humans, which is why urban pigeons seem aimless. Shayne praises the OP for not having photos — it makes the story feel more authentic than staged wildlife rescue videos. The episode closes with Shayne issuing his power-scaling question as homework for viewers, Ian asking the internet to weigh in on how much a kindergartner weighs, and the hosts signing off with a warm 'see you next Saturday, enjoy your pancakes.'
A Reddit user stung by a bee near the abdomen developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours before finally resolving on its own.
Someone nursed an injured pigeon back to health — and then panicked when it started flying around their house. The hosts can't stop laughing that the person had no Step 2. The update reveals the OP has muscular dystrophy and couldn't open windows alone, which reframes everything.
Damien noted that pigeons were originally domesticated by humans, which is why they linger on city streets seemingly aimless — they were never truly wild birds.
The pigeon post originally read as helpless — 'a bird is flying, what do I do?' But once the OP revealed they have muscular dystrophy and can't open windows alone, the whole story shifts. Damien argues this is a lesson in clear communication: context changes the advice entirely.
Damien speaks from hard experience: a bird nest outside his window led to a full bird mite infestation that required fumigating his home at 150°F. Good intentions toward wildlife come with real consequences, and the advice is unanimous — do not bring wild animals inside.
Damien shared from personal experience that a bird mite infestation in his home required full fumigation at 150°F, forcing him out of his living space entirely.
No indexed bits in this chapter.
Guilt tricks you into thinking you had control over something you didn't. Damien breaks down why the inheritance OP's guilt is really just the psyche trying to make an uncontrollable situation feel like a choice — and why that logic falls apart when you examine it.
A man was stung by a bee near his abdomen and developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours. He rode it out without seeking help — which the hosts and Reddit commenters agree was medically reckless, since priapism causes permanent tissue damage after just 4–6 hours.
This episode
Factual claims made this episode, and whether a source was named.
An erection lasting 4 or more hours requires emergency medical attention because the trapped blood stops circulating and begins to deteriorate.
A persistent erection left untreated for 4 to 6 hours can cause permanent scarring and irreversible erectile dysfunction due to oxygen deprivation in penile tissue.
A persistent erection left untreated for longer than 6 hours can cause total loss of erectile function due to tissue damage.
Pigeons were originally domesticated by humans, which is why urban pigeons appear aimless — they were never meant to live as wild street birds.
Dragon Ball Z preceded the Dragon Ball Super series and the Broly movie, and Akira Toriyama also created Dr. Slump before Dragon Ball.
Dr. Slump, created by Akira Toriyama before Dragon Ball, features a robot girl named Arale and contains significant poop humor aimed at younger audiences.
The deceased coworker in the inheritance Reddit story was a 67-year-old retired police detective with 30 years of service who had no living family members.
The deceased coworker left the Reddit OP her SUV plus an undisclosed investment, and left the OP's mother $350,000 with instructions to buy a home, totaling nearly half a million dollars.
The deceased coworker also left the deed to her $400,000 home to a separate female coworker the same age as the Reddit OP.
A bird mite infestation from a nest outside a window required Damien Haas's home to be professionally fumigated at approximately 150°F, forcing him to vacate.
Knocking someone unconscious with a single strike is a movie trope — in reality it requires severe force and causes serious concussion, especially in young children.
In competitive boxing, even 60 seconds of throwing punches is physically exhausting and will leave an untrained person unable to continue.
This episode
Fictional bear character proposed by Shayne as a top candidate for swaying an evil dictator through pure positive influence.
Fictional TV coach proposed as a candidate for Shayne's power-scaling 'sway a dictator' thought experiment.
Creator of Dragon Ball and Dr. Slump, mentioned by Damien as context for the Dragon Ball universe's depth.
Fictional serial killer from the TV show Dexter, cited as a popular power-scaling matchup opponent for Hannibal Lecter.
Fictional serial killer used as an example of a high-tier power-scaling character who would decisively beat Dexter Morgan.
The platform from which all five advice stories in this episode are sourced.
The YouTube comedy brand hosting this podcast, referenced multiple times as a workplace comparison for the inheritance story.
Smosh's gaming-focused channel, referenced as an example where long-form niche explainer content (Spencer explains Resident Evil) works well.
Advertiser featured in a mid-roll ad targeting lifelong learners seeking degree programs.
Advertiser featured in the pre-roll ad promoting new summer drink options.
Anime franchise whose sprawling timeline is at the center of the first Reddit story, where a podcaster monologues about it for 50+ minutes.
Mentioned as the ideal platform for someone who wants to monologue about a niche interest to a receptive audience.
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