Speaker
Damien Haas
Appearances over time
1 episodes
Episodes
1Podcasts
Quotes & moments
Damien estimated the average kindergartner weighs around 50 pounds, reasoning backward from his own childhood weight as a larger-than-average second grader.
Damien observed that guilt is often the brain's way of creating a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation — if you're guilty, it feels like it was your choice.
Damien shared from personal experience that a bird mite infestation in his home required full fumigation at 150°F, forcing him out of his living space entirely.
Damien noted that pigeons were originally domesticated by humans, which is why they linger on city streets seemingly aimless — they were never truly wild birds.
A man was stung by a bee near his abdomen and developed a persistent erection that lasted over 18 hours. He rode it out without seeking help — which the hosts and Reddit commenters agree was medically reckless, since priapism causes permanent tissue damage after just 4–6 hours.
A 27-year-old Reddit user inherited nearly half a million dollars from a dying 67-year-old coworker who had no family. The money is life-changing. The problem? He works with people who knew her, drives her car, and has no idea how to explain any of it without sparking jealousy or suspicion.
A podcaster typed a Reddit SOS mid-recording while their co-host monologued the entire Dragon Ball timeline for 50+ minutes. The hosts debate whether this is a friendship problem, a podcast structure problem, or secretly great content waiting for the right platform.
If you want to rant about anime for 50 minutes, don't do it on someone else's podcast. Damien points out that TikTok and YouTube were literally built for this — there's a massive audience for niche obsessive content, but it has to be intentional.
Guilt tricks you into thinking you had control over something you didn't. Damien breaks down why the inheritance OP's guilt is really just the psyche trying to make an uncontrollable situation feel like a choice — and why that logic falls apart when you examine it.
The OP did everything right: was kind to a lonely colleague, never expected anything, and was simply included in her will. None of that matters to jealous coworkers. Shayne lands on the uncomfortable truth that you can be completely innocent and still be completely screwed by how people perceive you.
The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The hosts quickly realize cardio is the real enemy here, and that 15–20 waves is pure fantasy.
Ian proposes a football-charge opening move to scatter the first wave; Damien argues you need something to keep them at distance. Everyone agrees that the commenters claiming 15–20 waves have never thrown a punch in their life — boxing for 60 seconds alone will drop you.
Someone nursed an injured pigeon back to health — and then panicked when it started flying around their house. The hosts can't stop laughing that the person had no Step 2. The update reveals the OP has muscular dystrophy and couldn't open windows alone, which reframes everything.
Damien speaks from hard experience: a bird nest outside his window led to a full bird mite infestation that required fumigating his home at 150°F. Good intentions toward wildlife come with real consequences, and the advice is unanimous — do not bring wild animals inside.
The pigeon post originally read as helpless — 'a bird is flying, what do I do?' But once the OP revealed they have muscular dystrophy and can't open windows alone, the whole story shifts. Damien argues this is a lesson in clear communication: context changes the advice entirely.
Shayne wants to post his ultimate Reddit power-scaling question: if you could send one fictional character to live with an evil dictator for a week and try to turn them good, who do you pick? Paddington, Ted Lasso, SpongeBob — or someone weirder? Damien's answer: Ian Hecox.
Analysis
What they talk about
- Comedy 33%
- Society & Culture 33%
- Health & Fitness 17%
- Technology 17%
Connections
Shows they appear on and people they share episodes with. Drag to explore.
