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The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The hosts quickly realize cardio is the real enemy here, and that 15–20 waves is pure fantasy.
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At 29:05 · chapter starts 27:12
The tone shifts hard. Shayne reads an AskMen post from 2019 laying out elaborate rules for a hypothetical kindergartner fight: five children released every 30 seconds, unarmed, in a barren 40x25-foot classroom, with the goal of pinning you for 15 seconds [1] — Shayne Topp "The rules: five kindergartners charge you every 30 seconds in an empty classroom. No weapons. You must knock them unconscious to win. The h…" 29:05 . The group spends several minutes earnestly strategizing — Ian proposes a football charge on the first wave, Damien argues for something to keep them at distance, and Damien floats 'dress as a dentist' as a fear tactic before they all agree the sim children probably can't feel fear anyway. Damien raises the genuinely important point that actually knocking someone unconscious is nothing like the movies — it requires severe force and causes real concussion. The hosts collectively mock a Reddit commenter who claims he could survive 15–20 waves, noting that 60 seconds of boxing alone will destroy an untrained person. Shayne's power-scaling side-tangent about the subreddit r/PowerScaling briefly hijacks proceedings, leading to the episode's best joke: Damien nominates Ian Hecox as the fictional character most capable of swaying an evil dictator.
The hypothetical kindergartner fight scenario releases five children every 30 seconds into a 40x25-foot empty classroom, with no weapons allowed for either side.
Ian proposes a football-charge opening move to scatter the first wave; Damien argues you need something to keep them at distance. Everyone agrees that the commenters claiming 15–20 waves have never thrown a punch in their life — boxing for 60 seconds alone will drop you.
Damien estimated the average kindergartner weighs around 50 pounds, reasoning backward from his own childhood weight as a larger-than-average second grader.
Shayne wants to post his ultimate Reddit power-scaling question: if you could send one fictional character to live with an evil dictator for a week and try to turn them good, who do you pick? Paddington, Ted Lasso, SpongeBob — or someone weirder? Damien's answer: Ian Hecox.
Shayne pitched a fictional power-scaling scenario: which fictional character — Paddington, Ted Lasso, or SpongeBob — would be best at swaying an evil dictator to goodness in one week?
A broken pipe turned the Bad Friends studio into a hydrogen sulfide chamber. The crew denied smelling anything — which, as Andrew pointed out, makes their home lives deeply suspicious.
At a childhood sleepover in Sacramento, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises all over his face while he slept. He woke up, cried, and walked 7 miles down a dirt road before Eric Purvis's mom drove out to retrieve him.
On KSI's Make Me Laugh show, Bobby Lee got slapped so hard he fell and briefly blacked out — 5 minutes into the event. The rule was to use a tortilla, but the contestant used his bare hand instead.
What starts as a riff on Amber Alerts turns into an elaborate Speed remake: Bobby is a Hollywood tour guide whose bus shares a route with a kidnapper's identical bus, there's a bomb on board, and Keanu Reeves needs to be called immediately.
Their producer riffs a conspiracy theory about Lindsey Graham's death in Kyiv, which somehow leads to Bobby and Andrew discovering that every lyric of 'A Whole New World' from Aladdin secretly describes 9/11. They are disturbingly convincing.
Bobby Lee woke up Saturday morning to find three children splashing in his pool, along with a professionally hired swimming teacher — all arranged by friends who have keys to his house. His response: 'There's just too much joy here.'
Harold Ramis told a story about Caddyshack's cast doing drugs all day and night during Florida storm delays, with half their pay going to cocaine. Bobby Lee immediately wants to make that exact movie — and offers to relapse to do it.
Robby Hoffman had never heard of 'new towels.' A towel, in her world, was built with the house. When Sarah Silverman announced she'd bought new pool towels, it was a class-gap revelation.
Will Arnett pitched the perfect rich-person home for Robby: seven-hundred-thread-count sheets and brand-new towels — but a tiny, wrecked kitchen with a coil stove, chips, and Sprite. Best of both worlds.
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