On Attachment

Podbit · On Attachment

#131: On Getting Back Together with an Ex

Explore episode Feb 14, 2024

Where this was said

Why Breakup Pain Is Biological, Not a Signal to Go Back

At 14:30 · chapter starts 13:20

A common and bewildering experience for listeners: why does leaving a clearly unhealthy relationship sometimes feel worse than staying in it? Stephanie offers the answer — it has nothing to do with whether you made the right decision. The attachment system is biological and non-rational; it registers loss regardless of the quality of the bond. Untangling an attachment, she says, is uncomfortable and takes time, and the pain of doing so should not be mistaken for evidence that the relationship should have continued. This reframe is quietly powerful: it decouples grief from guidance, insisting that what your nervous system feels in the aftermath is not a reliable compass for what the right decision was.

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