Podbit · Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships
The relationship commitment equation weighs positives minus negatives against investment, and then subtracts the perception of alternatives. The same formula explains why browsing LinkedIn makes you want to quit your job — and why a dwindling dating pool makes an ex's stock mysteriously rise.
Where this was said
At 34:10 · chapter starts 34:00
Jace unpacks the relationship commitment equation: a person's sense of commitment is governed by their positives minus negatives (feelings about the relationship itself), multiplied or modified by their investment in it, and then reduced by their perception of available alternatives. [1] — Jace Lindgren "The relationship commitment equation weighs positives minus negatives against investment, and then subtracts the perception of alternatives…" 34:10 The same formula explains workplace behaviour — people who browse job boards feel more likely to quit, not because their job has gotten worse but simply because their perceived alternatives have improved. Applied to dating, a shrinking pool (because people are partnering up or aren't to one's taste) makes a familiar, pre-vetted ex look more attractive even if nothing about them has actually changed. Emily returns to the 2009 qualitative follow-up study confirming this: participants who went back to exes often did so not because anything had improved in the original relationship, but because the alternatives were disappointing. [2] — Emily Matlack "A 2009 qualitative study found that people often went back to exes not because the relationship had improved, but because new dating experi…" 33:25 The group agrees the key question remains: are you going back because it was genuinely good and could be better, or because the other options felt worse?
Erin Brockovich describes data center expansion as 'a full-on assault' hitting communities across water, electricity, noise, air pollution, and land loss. She calls it the biggest bipartisan conversation she's seen in her 30-year career — and warns that tech companies didn't see the coming backlash.
Demanding an emergency fund balance on a first date is the wrong approach. What you're really looking for is someone with character, maturity, and a direction — not a perfect financial snapshot. You can build a budget in 20 minutes; you can't build character that fast.
The fear of not being financially ready to have children is almost always a failure to run the real budget. On $110K a year, you can afford a child. What you can't afford is the fantasy nursery, the bigger car, and staying home on one income without a plan.
You've already said enough. The enabling, the financial dysfunction, the fear it'll land in your lap — if you can't say yes with full confidence, the answer is no. Tell Mom to rent a cheap one-bedroom, sell her house, and buy a condo near the grandkids instead.
Bobby watching a father hold his baby triggered an existential moment: he and Andrew might be missing fatherhood. They priced out adoption ($40K–$70K private, $0–$2K foster care) and briefly considered adopting a child to timeshare like a condo.
In 1950, 60% of the world lived in extreme poverty. Today it's roughly 1 in 10. Capitalism and economic growth did that — nothing else has ever worked at scale. The challenge now isn't generating enough wealth; it's building the political will to distribute it.
The manosphere begins with genuinely useful advice — get fit, be ambitious, find a partner. But it rapidly devolves into dominance, misogyny, and crypto university grifts. The most famous manosphere figures are running $50-a-month Ponzi schemes, exploiting the very loneliness they pretend to cure.
Throughout human history, only 40% of men have ever reproduced. Romantic success has never been guaranteed — it has always required effort, self-development, and resilience. The incel movement's core lie is telling men they're owed something that no man has ever been owed.
The most common word Scott Galloway has heard in his life is no. That's not a failure — it's the mechanism through which great yeses are earned. For shy young men, the path forward is simple: approach people, accept rejection, repeat. Resilience to discomfort is the only real competitive advantage.
We use essential and analytics cookies to run Vuci. To understand how the site is used: Privacy Policy.
Install Vuci on your phone
Add it to your home screen for a faster, app-like experience.
Install Vuci on your phone
Tap the Share button, then “Add to Home Screen”.
A new version is available
Reload to get the latest Vuci.