Podbit · The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Lakers gave up two first-round picks and $130 million for Walker Kessler, who played 5 games last year. They have no answer for SGA, Anthony Edwards, or Jamal Murray. Even a Spurs fan isn't scared. This is the franchise of Kareem and Shaq settling for depth-chart filler.
Where this was said
At 1:11:30 · chapter starts 1:08:45
The Lakers section is the episode's comic relief after the grim Celtics analysis. Bill Simmons had spent the morning gleefully texting Laker fans about their offseason before his own team's trade blindsided him. Now he surveys the carnage: Kessler gets $130M on a 4-year deal despite playing 5 games; Quinton Grimes and Mamou get $60M and $52M respectively; LeBron is gone; and meaningful draft capital has been surrendered. [1] — Bill Simmons "The Lakers gave up two first-round picks and $130 million for Walker Kessler, who played 5 games last year. They have no answer for SGA, An…" 1:11:30 Kirk Goldsberry, as a Spurs partisan, isn't remotely scared by this roster. The most damning data point: the last time an NBA team with three white players as its best three won a championship was the 1958 St. Louis Hawks. Bill and Chris agree the team appears to have been assembled to suit Luka Dončić's preferences — rim-runner, secondary handler, shooters — rather than with any coherent defensive identity.
The Lakers signed Walker Kessler — who played only 5 games last season due to injury — to a 4-year, $130 million deal, surrendering 2031 and 2033 first-round picks plus swaps.
The last time an NBA champion had three white players as its best players was the 1958 St. Louis Hawks — a historical stat raised as a humorous indictment of the new-look Lakers.
Boston signed Mitchell Robinson for 3 years and $47 million — a deal the Knicks declined in order to stay under the second apron.
Jaylen Brown guarded Luka Dončić to win Finals MVP, made the shot in the Indiana series, bridged generations across the Boston community, and never gave anything less than everything on the court. Whatever the analytics say, he showed up. Every. Single. Night.
Thomas's wife deferred her CrossFit career — she's in the global top 1% of athletes — to put him through law school debt-free. He wants her to chase the dream now; she wants the emergency fund and house down payment first. On a $200K lawyer income with no debt, the opportunity cost is just a few months of slower saving.
Underground calisthenics battles are exactly like UFC meets a rap battle — 150 people crowded around a circle, fighters walking out with masks and chains, nicknames like 'Extra Money' vs 'Calisthenics the Prince,' and people throwing money and betting. The battle set: 100 burpees, 50 muscle-ups, 75 dips, 75 squats with a 65-pound dumbbell. This is the next big spectator sport.
Rico Verhoeven controlled the undisputed heavyweight boxing champion for approximately 10 rounds — and had his appeal upheld when officials admitted the fight was stopped after the bell. The result was never overturned. Rogan calls it either incompetence or corruption, and argues the money behind Usyk made an upset politically inconvenient.
Rogan lays out a blunt case: boxing's 3-judge system is structurally broken, and the judges know who the promoter wants to win. Glory's 5-judge format is the right model. Corruption doesn't have to be conscious — just knowing Usyk is the cash cow is enough to tilt the scales.
With the Usyk-Wilder fight stalling and Fury-Joshua coming too late, the real fight the world wants is the rematch. Rico is a free agent. Usyk vacated his belts. The story is unfinished and both Rogan and Rico know it. His Excellency Turki Alasheikh already called for it ringside — the question is money.
Rico texted Jason Statham during the Canelo-Crawford fight. Statham showed Rico's highlight videos to promoters. Two days later, Rico was on a call about fighting Anthony Joshua. When Joshua pulled out, Rico pitched Usyk himself — Undisputed vs. Undisputed. Usyk said yes in two weeks. The whole thing started with one text.
Every heavyweight who faced Usyk tried to move to the right — straight into his power hand. Rico and Peter Fury identified the obvious solution: move left, away from the left hand, and smother him with size. It sounds simple. Nobody had done it. That one adjustment was the foundation of 10 dominant rounds.
MMA fans boo when fights go to the ground. They love stand-up. Kickboxing is pure stand-up. Yet it barely exists in America while boxing and MMA are enormous. Rogan's diagnosis: no promotion machine. If the UFC got behind kickboxing the way they've built MMA, it would explode. The talent is there — the storytelling machine is not.
A nation of 17 million people gave the world Ramon Deckers, Peter Aerts, Badr Hari, Melvin Manhoef, Rob Kamen, Ernesto Hoost, and Rico Verhoeven. Rico's theory: the country is so small that every gym shares knowledge freely. In the US, you need a flight. In Holland, you drive 40 minutes and spar the national champion.
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