Huberman Lab

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How to Overcome Social Anxiety | Dr. Nick Epley

Explore episode May 18, 2026
Society & Culture
Thibault on the Train: Testing a Wrong Assumption

How to Overcome Social Anxiety | Dr. Nick Epley · May 18, 2026 Society & Culture

An Orthodox-looking stranger with both earbuds in seemed like the last person who wanted conversation. Nick said hi anyway. The man came alive instantly, smiling and introducing himself as Thibault — and they became friends over years. Silence is ambiguous. Your assumption about it is almost always wrong.

Where this was said

Initiating Conversation, Testing Cues, Pessimistic Expectations

At 1:44:10 · chapter starts 1:43:00

Huberman raises the specific challenge of initiating conversation when someone is on their phone or appears deeply occupied. Epley illustrates the principle with Thibault: a man who looked like the least approachable person on the train platform turned out to be delighted to be greeted, eventually becoming a friend. The lesson is that silence and closed body language are ambiguous signals, and we tend to interpret them through the lens of our pessimistic priors. Treating social approaches as invitations — not demands — removes much of the risk. If the person doesn't engage, nothing is lost. If they do, you may have a conversation that lifts your day and theirs. Epley closes by naming the pattern: overly pessimistic expectations about how others will respond lead us to miss connections that would have enriched our lives.

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