Quote · Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 627 - No-Nog (feat. Joe Alto)
Where this was said
The Relay App and the 'Pain Problem' Philosophy
At 7:42 · chapter starts 2:10
Joe Alto explains that Relay has been running for about five years with around 4,000 active users. But the real payload is the philosophical framework behind it: guys don't have a porn problem, they have a pain problem. [1] — Joe Alto "You don't have a porn problem, you have a pain problem: The guiding philosophy of Relay is that porn addiction is really a pain management …" 05:54 He traces the typical arc — a boy starts looking at porn around 11 or 12, not for any sinister reason but simply because naked women are compelling and unavailable in real life. Then comes the first disappointment: a bad grade, a rejection, a rough day. Porn makes it feel better. And right there, the brain draws a line between pain and pornography, training itself like a dog — unconsciously, automatically. [2] — Joe Alto "You're literally training yourself. You're like a dog. Like, you're training yourself to associate pain with porn, and it gets unconscious." 07:42 By the time a man is 35, the trigger is invisible. He has a bad day at work, and before he's even aware of a decision, he's in the bathroom. Matt connects this to his own younger experience: getting caught, being like 'I don't see what the problem is,' only to realize decades later what the problem actually was.
Joe Alto's porn addiction recovery app Relay currently has about 4,000 active users, with more having used it historically since launching roughly 5 years ago.
The guiding philosophy of Relay is that porn addiction is really a pain management problem — men associate porn with relief from discomfort and train themselves to use it unconsciously.
Porn starts as naked curiosity at age 11 or 12, then quietly becomes the brain's go-to response for any pain — a bad grade, a rejection, a bad day at work. By the time you're 35, the wiring is so deep it's entirely unconscious. You're not choosing porn; your brain already made the decision.
Joe Alto noted that most men begin viewing porn at around 11 or 12 years old, initially out of innocent curiosity, before it becomes linked to emotional pain relief.
