Joe Alto's porn addiction recovery app Relay currently has about 4,000 active users, with more having used it historically since launching roughly 5 years ago.
Snapshot · Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Joe Alto's porn addiction recovery app Relay currently has about 4,000 active users, with more having used it historically since launching roughly 5 years ago.
Where this was said
At 2:28 · chapter starts 2:10
Joe Alto explains that Relay has been running for about five years with around 4,000 active users. But the real payload is the philosophical framework behind it: guys don't have a porn problem, they have a pain problem. [1] — Joe Alto "You don't have a porn problem, you have a pain problem: The guiding philosophy of Relay is that porn addiction is really a pain management …" 05:54 He traces the typical arc — a boy starts looking at porn around 11 or 12, not for any sinister reason but simply because naked women are compelling and unavailable in real life. Then comes the first disappointment: a bad grade, a rejection, a rough day. Porn makes it feel better. And right there, the brain draws a line between pain and pornography, training itself like a dog — unconsciously, automatically. [2] — Joe Alto "You're literally training yourself. You're like a dog. Like, you're training yourself to associate pain with porn, and it gets unconscious." 07:42 By the time a man is 35, the trigger is invisible. He has a bad day at work, and before he's even aware of a decision, he's in the bathroom. Matt connects this to his own younger experience: getting caught, being like 'I don't see what the problem is,' only to realize decades later what the problem actually was.
The guiding philosophy of Relay is that porn addiction is really a pain management problem — men associate porn with relief from discomfort and train themselves to use it unconsciously.
Porn starts as naked curiosity at age 11 or 12, then quietly becomes the brain's go-to response for any pain — a bad grade, a rejection, a bad day at work. By the time you're 35, the wiring is so deep it's entirely unconscious. You're not choosing porn; your brain already made the decision.
Joe Alto noted that most men begin viewing porn at around 11 or 12 years old, initially out of innocent curiosity, before it becomes linked to emotional pain relief.
Spencer Greenberg and Jeremy Stevenson analyzed almost 500 self-improvement techniques and found they all reduce to just 12 underlying psychological drivers.
Cold exposure has good short-term alertness benefits but the evidence base for long-term health benefits is much weaker than popularly believed.
In a randomized study of 20 habit-formation techniques run on hundreds of people, almost none of the techniques produced statistically meaningful results.
People given a tiny-habit fallback option (e.g. 10 squats instead of gym) were actually MORE successful at completing the full habit, not less.
The most effective habit-formation technique was 'habit reflection' — recalling a past successful habit, writing down what helped, then applying those lessons to a new habit.
A study found that simply scheduling enjoyable activities was as effective as standard cognitive behavioral therapy for depression, leading to its own therapy called behavioral activation.
The 'worry time' technique — deferring all worries to a designated time of day — helps people realize they have more control over worry than they thought and reveals it is less useful than it feels.
A study found that participants told to try to stay awake while in bed fell asleep faster than participants told to try to sleep — illustrating the paradox of direct effort.
Spencer Greenberg reduced his severe social anxiety dramatically in roughly 6 months through a structured exposure therapy hierarchy, culminating in asking strangers for hugs.
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