Quote · Modern Wisdom
Why Men & Women Are Giving Up On Each Other - Daniel Cox - #1166
Where this was said
Is Monk Mode Helping or Hurting Men?
At 1:21:24 · chapter starts 1:15:54
The discussion turns to the monk mode trend — men withdrawing from social life to focus on fitness, finance, and self-improvement. Cox is direct: it is the exact opposite of what men need. His landmark American friendship study showed a dramatic decline in close male friendships from the 1990s through 2021, with the drop most pronounced among young men. The antidote is more social commitment, not less — whether through scouting, sports, arts, or simply roaming the neighbourhood with kids nearby. He notes that video games, once an inherently communal activity (GoldenEye, Mario Kart), are now predominantly played alone or online, removing one of the last reliable venues for male bonding. Cox argues that the things that will actually make you your best self are the people in your life: you give up bad habits because of them, you change because of them — humans are designed to be formed by relationships, not by solitary optimisation. Williamson adds a sympathetic caveat: monk mode is partly a rational response to the real economic demands of dating, where wealthier men genuinely perform better on apps. But he agrees it risks becoming an excuse to postpone social reintegration indefinitely. [1] — Daniel Cox "The monk mode trend encourages men to withdraw from social life to work on themselves — but this is precisely backwards. The research is cl…" 1:15:55
The monk mode trend encourages men to withdraw from social life to work on themselves — but this is precisely backwards. The research is clear: close friendships are the single most powerful predictor of whether a man dates, commits, and becomes his best self. Self-improvement without social reintegration is just sophisticated avoidance.
