Where this was said
Esther Perel, Relationship Philosophy, and 'A New Relationship With the Same Person'
At 1:33:14 · chapter starts 1:32:55
This chapter is the philosophical engine of The Invite made explicit. Olivia traces how Esther Perel's concept — that you can have a completely new relationship with the same partner, rather than simply ending one — blew her mind when she first heard it in a TED Talk almost 20 years ago. Perel's 20-year-old book Mating in Captivity has just been reissued with a new foreword and is, Olivia says, required reading for anyone in a relationship. The conversation explores two more Perel ideas: the 'shadow of the third' (acknowledging your partner's desirability to others keeps the erotic charge alive), and compersion (experiencing joy through your partner's joy). Dax reflects on his nine-year open relationship with Brie, and Olivia draws the distinction between the resentment-driven obligation of most long-term relationships and the active, daily choice to be there.
Esther Perel served as a consultant on The Invite, and her philosophy — that you can have a completely new relationship with the same partner — became a structural goalpost for the film's script.
