Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Snapshot · Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Olivia Wilde

Explore episode Jun 29, 2026

Where this was said

Esther Perel, Relationship Philosophy, and 'A New Relationship With the Same Person'

At 1:33:10 · chapter starts 1:32:55

This chapter is the philosophical engine of The Invite made explicit. Olivia traces how Esther Perel's concept — that you can have a completely new relationship with the same partner, rather than simply ending one — blew her mind when she first heard it in a TED Talk almost 20 years ago. Perel's 20-year-old book Mating in Captivity has just been reissued with a new foreword and is, Olivia says, required reading for anyone in a relationship. The conversation explores two more Perel ideas: the 'shadow of the third' (acknowledging your partner's desirability to others keeps the erotic charge alive), and compersion (experiencing joy through your partner's joy). Dax reflects on his nine-year open relationship with Brie, and Olivia draws the distinction between the resentment-driven obligation of most long-term relationships and the active, daily choice to be there.

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