Quote · Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt III
Where this was said
Randy the Retired Paramedic: The Super Soaker Incident
At 9:46 · chapter starts 3:03
Randy interrupts his Florida road trip to share a story from his decades-long career as a paramedic in a major metropolitan area. The call came in unusually described: 'self-inflicted trauma involving a foreign object.' When they knocked on the door, the mother answered insisting they had the wrong address — until they confirmed her son had made the call. Upstairs they found a 14-year-old, blanket drawn up, in serious pain. Once his mother left the room he was more forthcoming: a Super Soaker 10,000 — barrel, water tank and all — had been inserted rectally via a hose attachment that he'd presumably been using as a makeshift enema or bidet. Randy and his partner attempted removal with KY jelly, failed, detached the water tank from the tube with a blade to reduce the bulk, and transported the boy to hospital where he was sedated and the object removed under anesthesia. Randy told him simply: 'I was your age once' and that experimentation was common. Dax and Monica reflect on the unique cruelty of being 14 and having your mother discover not just that you masturbate, but how. [1] — Randy "Randy responded to a 911 call from a 14-year-old boy who had inserted a Super Soaker water gun — barrel, tank and hose — into his rectum. T…" 03:48 Randy closes by sharing that his daughter Megan, a film editor in California, is a devoted listener who encouraged him to submit.
Randy worked as a paramedic for 35 years in a major metropolitan area before retiring to Florida.
Randy responded to a 911 call from a 14-year-old boy who had inserted a Super Soaker water gun — barrel, tank and hose — into his rectum. The boy called without his mother's knowledge, hoping the paramedics could quietly remove it. They couldn't, took him to hospital, and mom found out anyway.
Randy's most memorable call involved a 14-year-old boy who had inserted a Super Soaker water gun (barrel, tank and hose attachment) rectally and required hospital sedation for removal.
Randy retired from a 35-year paramedic career and figured out the secret fast: own a house that needs work, take up golf, and stay relentlessly busy. If your muscles aren't needed, they simply go away — and so does your sense of purpose.
