35 years as a paramedic
Randy worked as a paramedic for 35 years in a major metropolitan area before retiring to Florida.
Snapshot · Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt III
Explore episode
Jun 26, 2026
Where this was said
Randy the Retired Paramedic: The Super Soaker Incident
At 3:16 · chapter starts 3:03
Randy interrupts his Florida road trip to share a story from his decades-long career as a paramedic in a major metropolitan area. The call came in unusually described: 'self-inflicted trauma involving a foreign object.' When they knocked on the door, the mother answered insisting they had the wrong address — until they confirmed her son had made the call. Upstairs they found a 14-year-old, blanket drawn up, in serious pain. Once his mother left the room he was more forthcoming: a Super Soaker 10,000 — barrel, water tank and all — had been inserted rectally via a hose attachment that he'd presumably been using as a makeshift enema or bidet. Randy and his partner attempted removal with KY jelly, failed, detached the water tank from the tube with a blade to reduce the bulk, and transported the boy to hospital where he was sedated and the object removed under anesthesia. Randy told him simply: 'I was your age once' and that experimentation was common. Dax and Monica reflect on the unique cruelty of being 14 and having your mother discover not just that you masturbate, but how. [1] — Randy "Randy responded to a 911 call from a 14-year-old boy who had inserted a Super Soaker water gun — barrel, tank and hose — into his rectum. T…" 03:48 Randy closes by sharing that his daughter Megan, a film editor in California, is a devoted listener who encouraged him to submit.
Super Soaker in a 14-Year-Old's Rectum
Randy responded to a 911 call from a 14-year-old boy who had inserted a Super Soaker water gun — barrel, tank and hose — into his rectum. The boy called without his mother's knowledge, hoping the paramedics could quietly remove it. They couldn't, took him to hospital, and mom found out anyway.
Super Soaker up a 14-year-old's rectum
Randy's most memorable call involved a 14-year-old boy who had inserted a Super Soaker water gun (barrel, tank and hose attachment) rectally and required hospital sedation for removal.
The Art of Retirement: Stay Busy or Deteriorate
Randy retired from a 35-year paramedic career and figured out the secret fast: own a house that needs work, take up golf, and stay relentlessly busy. If your muscles aren't needed, they simply go away — and so does your sense of purpose.
Similar snapshots
500 self-help techniques → 12 levers
Spencer Greenberg and Jeremy Stevenson analyzed almost 500 self-improvement techniques and found they all reduce to just 12 underlying psychological drivers.
Cold exposure: weak long-term evidence
Cold exposure has good short-term alertness benefits but the evidence base for long-term health benefits is much weaker than popularly believed.
20 habit techniques tested; almost none worked
In a randomized study of 20 habit-formation techniques run on hundreds of people, almost none of the techniques produced statistically meaningful results.
Tiny habit users stick to the FULL habit more
People given a tiny-habit fallback option (e.g. 10 squats instead of gym) were actually MORE successful at completing the full habit, not less.
Habit reflection = standout technique
The most effective habit-formation technique was 'habit reflection' — recalling a past successful habit, writing down what helped, then applying those lessons to a new habit.
Behavioral activation rivals CBT for depression
A study found that simply scheduling enjoyable activities was as effective as standard cognitive behavioral therapy for depression, leading to its own therapy called behavioral activation.
Worry time: batch all worries to 5 PM
The 'worry time' technique — deferring all worries to a designated time of day — helps people realize they have more control over worry than they thought and reveals it is less useful than it feels.
Sleeping faster by trying to stay awake
A study found that participants told to try to stay awake while in bed fell asleep faster than participants told to try to sleep — illustrating the paradox of direct effort.
Social anxiety eliminated in ~6 months
Spencer Greenberg reduced his severe social anxiety dramatically in roughly 6 months through a structured exposure therapy hierarchy, culminating in asking strangers for hugs.
