Quote · Modern Wisdom
Why You Feel Overwhelmed All The Time (and how to fix it) - David Epstein - #1121
Where this was said
Why Is Choice So Overwhelming?
At 15:00 · chapter starts 11:37
Epstein lands the optionality argument in its most relatable territory: relationships. He references Scott Stanley's research on 'sliding versus deciding,' which finds that younger people are increasingly sliding into relationship escalation — moving in together because it's convenient, getting a dog because they were going to anyway — without ever making an explicit commitment. The irony is that these people believe they are keeping their options open, but their options are closing whether they like it or not: if they eventually marry without having ever truly decided, they are significantly more likely to divorce and less likely to report happiness. Chris vividly sketches the slide in real time — drawer, toothbrush, lease up, dog, engagement, unplanned pregnancy — and Epstein confirms this is exactly the escalation pattern Stanley's research captures. The same dynamic applies to careers: falling into a job because the recruiter was the first person at the graduate fair, then staying by inertia. The antidote isn't recklessness but intentionality: even when exploring, you should ask what you are learning about yourself and how that informs the next deliberate step.
People who slide into relationships by keeping options open — moving in together because a lease expired, not because they decided to commit — are more likely to divorce and less likely to be happy. Optionality isn't neutral; it's actively corrosive when it substitutes for a decision.
Research by Scott Stanley shows that couples who 'slide' into commitment — moving in together because it's convenient rather than deciding to commit — are more likely to divorce and less likely to be happy if they marry.
When surveyed, about two-thirds of people say they'd want to choose their own cancer treatment, but among people who actually get cancer, only about 10% want that agency — they want someone to take the burden from them.
