Snapshot · Modern Wisdom
Research by Scott Stanley shows that couples who 'slide' into commitment — moving in together because it's convenient rather than deciding to commit — are more likely to divorce and less likely to be happy if they marry.
Where this was said
At 15:06 · chapter starts 11:37
Epstein lands the optionality argument in its most relatable territory: relationships. He references Scott Stanley's research on 'sliding versus deciding,' which finds that younger people are increasingly sliding into relationship escalation — moving in together because it's convenient, getting a dog because they were going to anyway — without ever making an explicit commitment. The irony is that these people believe they are keeping their options open, but their options are closing whether they like it or not: if they eventually marry without having ever truly decided, they are significantly more likely to divorce and less likely to report happiness. Chris vividly sketches the slide in real time — drawer, toothbrush, lease up, dog, engagement, unplanned pregnancy — and Epstein confirms this is exactly the escalation pattern Stanley's research captures. The same dynamic applies to careers: falling into a job because the recruiter was the first person at the graduate fair, then staying by inertia. The antidote isn't recklessness but intentionality: even when exploring, you should ask what you are learning about yourself and how that informs the next deliberate step.
People who slide into relationships by keeping options open — moving in together because a lease expired, not because they decided to commit — are more likely to divorce and less likely to be happy. Optionality isn't neutral; it's actively corrosive when it substitutes for a decision.
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San Francisco's average rent rose 18% over the past two years to $3,728/month, surpassing New York City as the most expensive rental market in the country.
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At a childhood sleepover, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises on his face and he walked 7 miles home on a dirt road before being picked up by Eric Purvis's mom.
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Private domestic infant and international adoptions typically cost $40,000 to $70,000, while foster care adoption is the most affordable route at $0 to $2,000.
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Robby Hoffman is the 7th of 10 children raised in a Hasidic household in Montreal, where the family was poor and comedy was a survival mechanism.
Robby's Hasidic community had no concept of 'too soon' in comedy — if it was funny, you threw it, and if you bombed, your sibling told you immediately.
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