Will Arnett's $0.25 chips theft
At age 10 or 11, Will Arnett stole a 25-cent bag of chips from a convenience store and felt so guilty he returned the next day to leave a quarter on the counter.
Where this was said
Cold Open: Meditation, Cheating, and Will Arnett's 25-Cent Guilt Trip
At 1:52 · chapter starts 0:00
The episode kicks off with Jason Bateman guiding Will Arnett through a fake meditation session — hands wandering, sitz bones invoked — before the joke dissolves and the three hosts debate their academic records. Bateman guesses they were 'solid B' students. The conversation pivots to cheating: Sean Hayes admits to the strain of eye-straining sideways copying in lecture halls, while Will Arnett insists he never cheated and never stole — then immediately admits he once pocketed a 25-cent bag of chips from a crowded convenience store at age 10 or 11, felt so guilty he couldn't sleep, and returned the next day to leave a quarter on the counter. The hosts cackle at the image of young 'Willie, our Nat' making things right. It's a warm, funny opening that sets the episode's tone: confessional, loose, and thoroughly charming.
Will Arnett's 25-Cent Chip Confession
As a kid of about 10 or 11, Will Arnett stole a 25-cent bag of chips from a crowded convenience store. The guilt was so overwhelming that he went back the next day and left a quarter on the counter. Timothy Olyphant immediately dubbed him 'Willie, our Nat' — a natural.
Arrested for a turkey sandwich
Timothy Olyphant was arrested by police in college after drunkenly stealing a turkey sandwich from a convenience store called White Hen.
Turkey Sandwich Arrest: Timothy Olyphant's Most On-Brand Crime
Timothy Olyphant was arrested in college for stealing a turkey sandwich while drunk, taken to the police station, and had to wait for a stranger to pay $100 to bail him out. He spent the ride in the squad car arguing to the cop that surely a worse crime was happening on campus.
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