Gay dating described as very lonely
Jake Shane describes his experience of gay dating as predominantly visual, app-based, and ultimately very lonely.
Snapshot · On Purpose with Jay Shetty
JAKE SHANE: “I Was Scared People Would Find Out Who I Am”
Explore episode
Jul 15, 2026
Where this was said
Dating as a Gay Man
At 11:51 · chapter starts 10:22
Jake opens up about his experience dating as a gay man: the scene is predominantly online, predominantly visual, and for him, profoundly lonely. [1] — Jake Shane "Gay dating for Jake Shane has been visual-first, app-dependent, and profoundly lonely. He describes it as experiencing the romantic validat…" 10:59 He explains how gay men often find community online because they've lived closeted lives, and how app-dating's visual-first nature fed years of body insecurity. When Jay brings up the viral Coachella shirtless moment, Jake is characteristically honest: yes, it felt incredible, years of work validated in a single post. But the compliment-built confidence is tissue-thin — one old photo can shatter it. He describes feeling ashamed that people saw him at his former size, even as he cautions himself against sounding 'horrible' for saying so. Jay makes a personal connection, revealing he was also bullied for being overweight and for being Indian.
Gay Dating Is Lonely and 10 Years Too Late
Gay dating for Jake Shane has been visual-first, app-dependent, and profoundly lonely. He describes it as experiencing the romantic validation rites of high school — but as a man in his twenties, a decade behind straight peers.
Similar snapshots
Kierkegaard coined 'anxiety' 60+ years before Freud
Kierkegaard's concept of anxiety as 'the dizziness of freedom' predates Freud's psychological framework by roughly 60 years, yet modern research has since validated his core claims about commitment and identity.
Americans gained 24 extra hours/month alone (2003–2020)
Between 2003 and 2020, Americans accumulated roughly 24 extra hours per month spent alone — the equivalent of a part-time job's worth of isolation, and that's before the pandemic.
Median marriage age rose 6–8 years per gender since 1970s
Median age at first marriage climbed from 21 (women) and 23 (men) in the 1970s to nearly 29 (women) and 30 (men) today — a rise of 6–8 years per gender, extending the 'emerging adulthood' liminal phase.
SF average rent up 18% in 2 years
San Francisco's average rent rose 18% over the past two years to $3,728/month, surpassing New York City as the most expensive rental market in the country.
SF average rent: $3,728/month
San Francisco's average monthly rent now stands at $3,728, surpassing New York City to become the most expensive rental city in the United States.
Bobby walked 7 miles with dicks drawn on face
At a childhood sleepover, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises on his face and he walked 7 miles home on a dirt road before being picked up by Eric Purvis's mom.
World poverty: 60% in 1950 vs 10% today
In 1950, about 60% of the world lived in extreme poverty; today it's about 1 in 10, attributable to capitalist economic growth.
6M US children fell into poverty 2021–24
From 2021 to 2024, 6 million children fell below the poverty line in the US after the expanded child tax credit expired.
Private adoption costs $40,000–$70,000
Private domestic infant and international adoptions typically cost $40,000 to $70,000, while foster care adoption is the most affordable route at $0 to $2,000.
