Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Snapshot · Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

"I'm Thinking About Getting Back Together With My Ex." (Part One)

Explore episode Apr 4, 2023

Where this was said

Question 1: How Will You Cope With the Power of Refinding?

At 18:00 · chapter starts 17:30

Drawing on Esther Perel's framework from Mating in Captivity, Dr. Solomon describes how all intimate relationships hold two competing yearnings: safety and novelty. Reconnecting with an ex places you at the exact fulcrum between those two poles — you know this person, and you don't. The result is a powerful, almost intoxicating energy she calls 'refinding,' one that carries genuine magic but also genuine risk. To navigate it without making reactive choices, she recommends Dan Siegel's 'name it to frame it' technique — putting words to the bodily pull — plus going slowly, taking little bites, and resisting the urge to process for hours or spend endless time together. The goal is responsiveness over reactivity.

Health & Fitness
Approach Motivation vs. Avoidance Motivation: The Fuel That Determines Your Odds

"I'm Thinking About Getting Back Together With My Ex." (Par… · Apr 4, 2023 Health & Fitness

Are you moving toward your ex or just running away from loneliness? Approach motivations — 'I miss this person, I like who I am with them' — produce durable reconciliations. Avoidance motivations — 'I need relief from grief, I fear they'll move on first' — only provide short-term fuel. And reconciliation is a marathon.

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