Bert's 5K target: under 27 minutes
After his health transformation, Bert believes he can complete the Two Bears 5K in under 27 minutes — a major improvement from his heavier days.
Snapshot · 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Explore episode
May 4, 2026
Where this was said
Fat Guy Problems
At 5:58 · chapter starts 1:56
Bert's health obsession takes center stage as he recalls the Instagram account 'Things Fat Guys Do' and starts unpacking the psychology of unhealthy habits. He recounts the terrifying moment in the hospital when his blood pressure hit 170/110 and nurses turned the monitor away — then reveals it's now 111/72, tracked daily and sent to his cardiologist [1] — Bert Kreischer "On the day Bert got a blood clot, his Whoop spiked his biological age to 60 — now it reads 56 and falling fast. His blood pressure went fro…" 02:35 . The most striking detail: on the exact day he got his blood clot, his Whoop spiked his biological age to 60. Through consistent training, it's now dropped to 56 and falling six months per week. Bert then interrogates Tom on why people ever choose to drink, and Tom's honest answer — almost entirely social reflex — gives Bert a new lens on his own sobriety. The chapter closes with Bert musing that he genuinely can't find a reason to drink anymore.
Bert's Health Transformation: Blood Clot to Biological Age 56
On the day Bert got a blood clot, his Whoop spiked his biological age to 60 — now it reads 56 and falling fast. His blood pressure went from 170/110 (nurses hid the reading) to a doctor-pleasing 111/72, tracked daily and sent to his cardiologist.
Current blood pressure: 111/72
After his health transformation, Bert now takes his blood pressure daily and sends it to his cardiologist — this morning it was a near-perfect 111 over 72.
Blood pressure: 170/110 in hospital
When Bert was hospitalized with a blood clot, his blood pressure was 170 over 110, so dangerously high nurses turned the monitor away from him.
Biological age hit 60 on blood clot day
Bert's Whoop device registered his biological age as 60 years old on the exact day he suffered a blood clot.
Biological age now 56 and dropping
After consistent training, Bert's Whoop biological age has fallen from 60 to 56, dropping roughly 6 months per week.
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