Podbit · Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex: Great Idea or Terrible Idea?

Explore episode May 12, 2026

Society & Culture

Actionable Framework: Four Steps Before You Text Your Ex

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex: Great Idea or Terri… · May 12, 2026 Society & Culture

Before rekindling with an ex, run four checks: write a complete ending to the relationship and see if the desire fades; list three concrete (not abstract) things that have changed; make honest lists of what did and didn't work; and have a 'what would be different' conversation with the actual person. For non-monogamous folks, also define what structural role this person would play in your life going forward.

Where this was said

Fridge Exes, Trash Exes & the Bacon Parable

At 53:53 · chapter starts 49:00

In the episode's most memorable stretch, Dedeker introduces a taxonomy of exes she finds more useful than 'good or bad relationship': trash exes — obviously done, obviously unhealthy — and fridge exes — relationships in the back of the fridge that you're not sure are still good.^{[1]

— Dedeker Winston

"Some exes belong in the trash — obviously bad, obviously done. The dangerous ones are the 'fridge exes': relationships with unresolved pote…"

49:00} The trash ones are easy; it's the fridge exes that create real trouble. She then tells a true story: starving and poor, she smelled a questionable package of bacon, decided it passed every reasonable test, cooked it, and made herself horrifically ill. The metaphor lands with devastating precision: even careful, thorough, therapist-assisted due diligence doesn't guarantee that a revisited relationship won't poison you.^{[2]

— Dedeker Winston

"I smelled the bacon, I was like, it smells fine. I looked at the bacon, like, it looks fine... Made myself so sick, like poisoned myself ho…"

50:10} Jace connects the fridge/trash distinction back to the closure discussion — fridge exes are the ones that feel unfinished, and the fridge is where the Zeigarnik effect keeps pulling you. Emily adds the corrective: if you feel depleted or like you have no other options, even a fridge ex will look more appetising than it should. The hosts crystallise the episode's core tool: before reaching for that leftover, make sure you actually want the food — not just that you're starving.

Society & Culture

Fridge Ex vs. Trash Ex: Dedeker's Taxonomy

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex: Great Idea or Terri… · May 12, 2026 Society & Culture

Some exes belong in the trash — obviously bad, obviously done. The dangerous ones are the 'fridge exes': relationships with unresolved potential that seem like they could still be good. Even thorough due diligence doesn't guarantee safety, as Dedeker's bacon poisoning story vividly illustrates.

I definitely have some past relationships where I'm like, yes, in the trash, not going back to that, that's gross... Where I get into trouble, I think, is not the stuff that's in the trash. It's the stuff that's just in the back of the fridge.

Dedeker Winston

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex:…

I smelled the bacon, I was like, it smells fine. I looked at the bacon, like, it looks fine... Made myself so sick, like poisoned myself horrifically. And sometimes getting back with an ex is like that.

Dedeker Winston

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex:…

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