Podbit · SOLVED with Mark Manson
42% of US adults are unpartnered — an all-time high. Weekly sex has fallen from 55% of adults in 1990 to 37% in 2024. And 31% of men aged 18-24 report zero sexual activity in the past year, more than double the rate from the early 2000s. This isn't a vibe — it's a measurable collapse in romantic connection.
Where this was said
At 1:44:09 · chapter starts 1:00:48
Drew takes the wheel for a data-heavy segment that makes the scale of the problem visceral. 42% of US adults are currently unpartnered — an all-time high. [1] — Drew "42% of US adults unpartnered: 42% of US adults are currently unpartnered, an all-time high, reflecting what researchers call a 'romantic re…" 1:44:09 Weekly sexual activity has fallen from 55% of adults in 1990 to 37% in 2024. 31% of men aged 18-24 report zero sexual activity in the past year, more than double the rate from the early 2000s. 25% of Americans reach 40 having never married. The average date costs $168, with Gen Z spending closer to $200 despite having less money. 71% of Democrats say they'd reject a Trump supporter as a date; 47% of Republicans say the same about Biden/Clinton voters. The causes are structural: dating apps designed to keep users addicted rather than matched, the erosion of third places, a culture of ghosting and breadcrumbing, and the 4B movement in South Korea where women are forgoing dating entirely. But Drew is cautiously optimistic: run clubs explicitly for singles, curated age-gated social events, and app innovations like Thursday (messaging only on Thursdays) suggest people are experimenting with solutions.
Life expectancy in 1840 was only about 35 years, meaning the modern expectation of a lifelong romantic partnership is a very recent invention.
42% of US adults are currently unpartnered, an all-time high, reflecting what researchers call a 'romantic recession.'
25% of Americans now reach age 40 having never been married — an all-time high, up 5 percentage points in less than 10 years.
Weekly sexual activity among US adults dropped from 55% in 1990 to 37% in 2024, a dramatic decline across all age groups.
About 31% of men aged 18-24 reported zero sexual activity in the past year as of 2024, more than double the ~15-16% recorded in the early 2000s.
Survey data shows the average date now costs $168, with Gen Z spending closer to $200 despite having less money.
Some people have calculated they save approximately $4,000 a year by opting out of dating entirely, given that the average annual spend on dating exceeds $2,000.
71% of Democrats say they would reject a Trump supporter as a potential date, versus 47% of Republicans who would reject a Biden/Clinton voter.
More freedom doesn't produce more happiness — it produces more anxiety. Kierkegaard identified this 180 years ago: the more options you have, the more you feel the 'dizziness of freedom,' a paralytic unease at having to choose any single one. The freest generation in history is, by his prediction, exactly the most anxious.
Every person lives in constant tension between infinite possible selves and the finite, limited self they actually are. Tipping too far toward infinite possibility produces a loss of identity; too much confinement in the finite produces stagnation. Kierkegaard argued that this tension is never solved — only managed.
Standing outside a cold pool imagining reasons not to jump is the exact experience of pre-commitment anxiety. Once you jump, the shock passes and you wonder why you ever hesitated. The same mechanism governs every significant commitment in life — the dread is always on the outside, the relief on the inside.
Traditional societies had rites of passage that closed off childhood and opened adulthood. Modern society kept the in-between liminal phase but eliminated the ritual that resolved it. The result is 'emerging adulthood' — a decade or more stuck in the transition — engineered by rising education requirements, women entering the workforce, and delayed marriage.
When Mark Manson proposed to his wife, software he didn't know was running — the low-level assessment of sexual market value and other options — suddenly shut down. Commitment doesn't take freedom away. It trades optionality (freedom to do many things) for focus (freedom from distraction). John Dewey called these positive and negative freedom, and the latter is more powerful.
Mark Manson spent years as a location-independent digital nomad — always a new country, a new woman, a new venture. Then the diminishing returns kicked in: countries started feeling the same, dates felt identical, businesses all frustrated him. The cure wasn't more novelty. It was narrowing: one place, one person, one career.
Every meaningful commitment has a dip — an initial peak of excitement, a brutal trough of difficulty, and a second higher peak for those who push through. Institutions once kept people in the dip long enough to reach the other side. With infinite optionality and no institutions, everyone bails at the bottom and restarts the cycle of shallow first peaks.
Stage one — the aesthetic — is the default: chasing sensation, novelty, and keeping every door open. Stage two — the ethical — is learning to choose with eyes wide open, accepting the trade-offs. Stage three — the religious — is when a commitment becomes so total that it no longer feels like a choice. It just feels like who you are.
The ethical stage is rational commitment — you can explain your choices. The religious stage is when your commitment exceeds rational justification. You can't explain why. It just feels like it chose you. Kierkegaard called this the 'virtue of the absurd' — and it's represented not just in faith but in the entrepreneurs, artists, and athletes who can't imagine doing anything else.
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