Quote · The Mel Robbins Podcast
9 Small Things That Will Help You Feel Amazing Again
Where this was said
Change #8: Notice the Color of Their Eyes
At 35:05 · chapter starts 33:55
The eighth change is deceptively clever: the next time you talk to someone, notice the color of their eyes. [1] — Mel Robbins "Struggling to hold eye contact isn't a character flaw — it's one of the most common ADHD symptoms, and it impacts how confident and present…" 33:55 It's not about staring — it's about giving your brain a small, genuine task that naturally keeps your gaze anchored. Mel opens up about struggling with eye contact her whole life, attributing the tendency to look away to her ADHD, and the shame she felt about it because of the cultural myth that looking away means you're lying. By making a game of identifying eye color, she found she could stay present and engaged without the forced, self-conscious effort of trying to 'hold eye contact.' She then layers on the research: sustained eye contact while listening — especially paired with nodding — signals to the other person that you are present, that you care, and that they are worth your attention. This affects not just the quality of the individual interaction but your reputation, your relationships, and the way people describe you to others. It's a small behavioral change with wide relational ripple effects.
Struggling to hold eye contact isn't a character flaw — it's one of the most common ADHD symptoms, and it impacts how confident and present you appear to others. The fix is absurdly simple: just try to notice the color of the other person's eyes. That tiny focus point trains your gaze and changes how people perceive you.
Noticing the color of someone's eyes is a practical trick to maintain eye contact, which research links to perceived confidence and stronger relationships.
