Quote · Modern Wisdom
The New Science Of Female Attraction - Psychology Roundtable - #1133
Where this was said
Is Marriage Affirmative Action for Men?
At 26:15 · chapter starts 25:23
Building on the Chad discussion, the panel turns to what Rob Henderson calls 'sexual communism': the idea that monogamous marriage was essentially DEI for average men, pairing them one-to-one with women in a market where free competition would favour the top minority. Researchers Teng and Qi are cited using terms like 'sexual socialism' and 'sexual redistribution'. Henderson notes that today's cultural moment sees the manosphere on the right calling for a return to strict norms, while progressive women independently reinvent similar constraints under labels like 'demisexual' or 'solopoly'. Chris Williamson raises a puzzle: why would women push back against reinstating monogamy norms if those norms historically benefited women by guaranteeing male investment? Steve Stewart-Williams counters that women generally prefer having one man to themselves. Macken Murphy adds a nuance: in strongly polygynous systems, some women might rationally choose to be the second wife of a high-status man rather than the only wife of a low-status one.
Monogamous marriage functioned as a sexual redistribution system: it guaranteed even average men access to a partner by constraining the mating market. Researchers call it 'sexual communism'. Now that guardrail is gone.
The claim that 20% of men get 80% of female attention has some truth on dating apps, but real-world sexual behavior data tells a more nuanced story.
Dating apps make it look like a tiny fraction of men hoard all female attention, but actual partner-count data tells a different story. The promiscuous 10-20% of men are largely having sex with the equally promiscuous 10-18% of women — they're just very visible online.
About 18–20% of men report 3 or more sexual partners in the past year, a figure that has not changed since around the year 2000.
Roughly 18-20% of men and 12-18% of women report 3+ sexual partners per year, and these groups largely overlap. The vast majority of sex happens in relationships; casual sex is the brown dwarf at the edge of the galaxy.
A similar 12–18% of women also report 3 or more sexual partners per year, showing near-symmetry with men in high-sociosexuality behaviour.
On Hinge, the top 10% of male users receive 60% of likes, fuelling the illusion that a small group of men monopolises female attention.
