Quote · The Mel Robbins Podcast
Create a Happier Version of Yourself: Redirect Your Energy for Positive Thinking
Where this was said
Takeaway 1: Stop Comparing the Present to a Fantasized Past
At 17:44 · chapter starts 13:33
Mel introduces the episode's central metaphor with elegance: you cannot open a new door if you are gripping the old one [1] — Mel Robbins "Comparison to the past doesn't just make you sad — it makes you judgmental, isolates you, and inflates a fantasy version of what you left b…" 13:33 . Oakley makes it visceral — he woke every morning already missing his dogs, his room, his friends, his girlfriend. Walking to class he thought about how much better it would be if his hometown friends were there. At mealtimes he sat with people he had already decided would never measure up. He quit the Frisbee team because college Frisbee didn't feel like high school Frisbee. The pattern: comparison by its nature causes judgment, and once you're looking only for what doesn't measure up, that is all you see. Mel parallels this with her own move to Vermont — standing in a state with more cows than people, searching for a Target or a Whole Foods, convinced she'd made a terrible mistake. Both were inflating a fantasy of the old life rather than seeing the reality of the new one. The takeaway: if you're doing this, it's you, not the situation.
Comparison to the past doesn't just make you sad — it makes you judgmental, isolates you, and inflates a fantasy version of what you left behind. Oakley spent 18 months deciding his college friends couldn't measure up before he'd even given them a chance. The first fix: stop using your past as a measuring stick for your present.
Mel Robbins explained that comparison causes judgment, which snowballs: if all you look for is what doesn't measure up, that is all you will see.
Mel revealed she spent months hating Vermont after a 26-year life in the Boston suburbs, crying alone and convincing herself the move was a mistake instead of embracing the change.
Mel Robbins spent years after moving from the Boston suburbs to Vermont crying, watching her old friends on social media, and telling herself she'd made a catastrophic mistake. She knew what would make her happy — making new friends — and sat in the house doing the opposite. Knowing what to do and actually doing it are completely different problems.
Constantly comparing a current chapter to an idealized version of the past guarantees unhappiness and prevents you from seeing new opportunities.
