Tom Poops The Bucket, Bert Shit The Bed | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Healthiest Guy at the Party

At 12:40 · chapter starts 11:31

Bert opens this chapter with a genuinely touching observation about aging and status: in your 30s, the currency is money and career; in your 50s, it's health. He arrived at a weekend party and realized he was the best-looking person there — men his age were getting hip replacements and heart stents while he was in peak shape. Having been the broke guy at richer friends' houses for decades, the reversal feels like a genuine victory. He jokes that his wife 'got a penny stock and shined it,' and that she's still getting 'the beast in the bedroom.' The segment takes a turn when Bert mentions Leanne has put him on an audiobook about the conscious versus subconscious mind, which he finds 'horseshit' — a woman who convinced herself her back pain was psychosomatic and it went away, which Howard Stern apparently also experienced. The book's intended application: help Bert manage his relationship with alcohol before he starts drinking again.