Quote · Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack III
Where this was said
Laura's Canadian Moose Standoff
At 7:56 · chapter starts 0:40
After setting the scene of a grueling 16-hour paddle day through six portages and muck-filled creeks, Laura describes how a cow moose positioned herself broadside across the only navigable waterway, blocking passage for over 90 minutes while her group of 14-year-olds became dangerously dehydrated [1] — Laura "A moose parked itself broadside across the only navigable creek, blocking Laura's group for 90 minutes while the teenage boys went from jok…" 03:17 . An air horn was useless. Laura's improvised detour through nearby marsh nearly sank the canoes in bottomless muck. When she leaped onto shore to scout a path, she immediately sensed the territory felt wrong — moose poop everywhere, a female, possibly a calf nearby. The moment a calm 16-year-old said 'hey Laura, moose is attacking us,' she turned to see it charging at full sprint. She leaped back into the boats, grabbed the bear spray, and then — faced with the moose stopping close enough to touch its nose — drew on her mother's dog-training advice and simply stared it down, unblinking, until it assessed the situation and walked away. Boys had paddles raised, feet dangling in water, one kid sobbing; a Spanish camper pointed out a frog. The aftermath was equally memorable: teenage exaggeration turned the story into a myth that grew for years, until a 7-year-old approached Laura to tell her she was 'that girl that killed a moose with her bare hands and ate its heart raw [2] — Laura "By the time Laura left the camp years later, teenage gossip had transformed her moose standoff into a tale of bare-handed killing and raw-h…" 07:35 .'
Laura was 20 years old and solely responsible for 10 fourteen-year-old boys when a moose blocked their only exit on a Canadian wilderness canoe route.
A moose parked itself broadside across the only navigable creek, blocking Laura's group for 90 minutes while the teenage boys went from joking to terrifying silence from dehydration. An air horn did nothing. The moose simply did not care.
The moose blocked the only creek passage for roughly 90 minutes while the boys became dangerously dehydrated in the heat.
With ten dehydrated teenage boys watching from canoes, Laura decided to alpha-stare a charging moose into submission using nothing but her mother's dog-training advice. The moose stopped close enough to touch, assessed the situation, and eventually walked away.
By the time Laura left the camp years later, teenage gossip had transformed her moose standoff into a tale of bare-handed killing and raw-heart-eating. A 7-year-old approached her with complete reverence. She just went with it.
