Snapshot · Modern Wisdom
Women who become the primary financial provider after having children often develop deep resentment — not by choice, but because simultaneously providing and nurturing is not biologically natural for most women.
Where this was said
At 36:49 · chapter starts 36:41
Venker explains why the equality-of-sameness model between men and women appears to work fine in the 20s — both are in education, working, unencumbered — but collapses the moment children arrive. When a woman gives birth, her first instinct is to nurture, not to provide financially. When a man becomes a father, his desire to provide ramps up precisely because he senses his partner needs support and he doesn't feel needed in the same physical way a mother does [1] — Suzanne Venker "Women who become primary breadwinners after having children often end up resentful — not by fault, but because simultaneously providing fin…" 36:49 . The 50/50 equality model — both partners doing identical shares of everything — is, Venker argues, a recipe for marital disaster once children arrive, because it ignores that the roles of primary nurturer and primary provider are genuinely different, not merely culturally assigned. She observes that breadwinning women often become resentful over time — not from choice but from depletion — because simultaneously providing financially and being the primary emotional caregiver is simply too much for most people, regardless of gender ideology.
Women who become primary breadwinners after having children often end up resentful — not by fault, but because simultaneously providing financially and nurturing a child pushes against biological nature. A man who provides is emboldened; a woman who does the same on top of mothering is worn into the ground. This asymmetry is why female breadwinning correlates with marital strain.
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