Society ill-equipped to deal with regret
Ward's central claim is that society systematically minimizes or avoids regret, leaving people without honest tools to process serious mistakes.
Snapshot · TED Talks Daily
Confessions of an accidental killer | Gregg Ward
Explore episode
Jul 8, 2026
Where this was said
The Hyacinth Fellowship: You're Not Alone
At 9:38 · chapter starts 7:10
Ward spent years believing he was unique in his situation — an assumption the Hyacinth Fellowship demolished. [1] — Gregg Ward "Every year in the US, people accidentally kill someone. Many of them find their way to the Hyacinth Fellowship, a community of perfectly no…" 08:20 Every year in the US, people accidentally kill someone; many more are seriously injured or permanently disabled by unintentional mistakes. These ordinary, caring people from all walks of life came together at the group's first in-person gathering in Detroit, where Ward attended last fall. The stories he heard were at once devastating and clarifying. A woman he calls Marie — just one year out from a motorcyclist T-boning her car and dying instantly — had recently learned that two other drivers had later collided and died at the exact same spot. Her first thought was relief: 'Thank goodness they both died, because then no one has to feel the guilt.' The room nodded in recognition. Ward uses this moment to make a broader point: as a society, we are profoundly ill-equipped to deal with regret, and the people carrying the heaviest versions of it are largely invisible.
The Hyacinth Fellowship: A Club Nobody Wanted to Join
Every year in the US, people accidentally kill someone. Many of them find their way to the Hyacinth Fellowship, a community of perfectly normal people trying to cope. One member's dark admission — relief that two other drivers died so no one had to carry the guilt — reveals just how crushing that burden is.
Accidental killers every year in the US
Every single year, people in the US accidentally kill someone, forming an invisible community of people struggling with guilt and regret.
Hyacinth Fellowship gathering
A group called the Hyacinth Fellowship held its first annual in-person gathering in Detroit for accidental killers to find ways to cope and move forward.
Fellow member's dark thought at accident site
A Hyacinth Fellowship member admitted her first thought upon hearing two people died at the same spot was relief that no one would have to feel the guilt of surviving.
Society Is Ill-Equipped to Handle Regret
From 'don't blame yourself, God wanted her in heaven' to endless self-forgiveness platitudes, the advice people get after causing serious harm is often useless or counterproductive. Ward argues society has no honest framework for regret — and most people don't even confront their biggest mistakes until they're dying.
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