Speaker
Carlos
Appearances over time
1 episodes
Episodes
1Podcasts
Quotes & moments
Bobby Lee was eating at a restaurant when a group of fans approached. He asked if any of the guys were her boyfriend, then asked what she looks for in a guy. She said: 'Not Asian.' Carlos explains Bobby was just being an 'unck' — an older guy acting avuncular. Andrew demonstrates a proper unck line. Nobody fully recovers from this exchange.
Bobby Lee got double bad news: perfect long-distance vision, but his dentist says all his teeth will fall out by age 60. His foundations and roots are shot — full-on gingivitis level 5. Andrew tried to comfort him by pointing out Koreans are known for having the world's strongest teeth. Bobby is apparently the exception.
Bobby Lee delivers a surprisingly accurate breakdown of hantavirus: most strains come from rat droppings, but the Andes strain — found on a recent cruise — is human-to-human transmissible. The couple who got it were bird-watching in Argentina. Bobby's verdict: this is a white people problem. Andrew's addendum: stop watching birds.
Hantavirus kills 30 to 40 percent of the people who get it. The incubation period is 21 to 40 days — meaning you can carry it for over a month before you even know. Andrew clocked in another terrifying fact: kidney failure can hit within 4 to 10 days of symptoms. The one silver lining: you can't spread it until you're symptomatic.
Bobby Lee's cologne technique is unconventional: spray the wrists and rub, spray upward under the shirt to hit skin and fabric simultaneously, and — most notably — lift the sack and hit the taint. The reasoning is airtight: you want the aura, not the taste. Andrew approved. Carlos was unmoved.
Bobby Lee drops a bomb: Carlos (Fancy) apparently told him that Andrew is the really difficult one on tour — not Bobby. Carlos denies it immediately, saying he'd never say that to Bobby because Bobby is 'such a fucking rat' who tells everyone everything. The accusation spirals into competing lies, a live phone call to Bobby's agent, and a potential firing.
Bobby Lee pulls out his phone mid-episode and calls his agent Abby live on air. He announces that Carlos has dragon's breath, smells like an ogre, and hasn't been stocking his rider properly. He concludes: 'This tour is fine, but the next tour I do, he's out.' He then hangs up and announces the agent is fired too.
Bobby forces Carlos to swear on his daughter's life that he never called Andrew a difficult tour companion. Carlos does it. Then, seconds later, everyone is questioning everything. Carlos admits to lying about lying. Andrew declares the whole booth is a room full of liars and no one can be believed anymore.
Bobby Lee ends his dragon's breath tirade with a stunning confession: despite his fame and money, he has historically done worse with women than Carlos. Dragon's breath, ogre smell, and all — Carlos still wins. It's the most backhanded compliment in Bad Friends history.
Bobby Lee argues that sick people should stay home and not infect others. Andrew flips it: everyone should go to work as sick as possible. His evidence is Carlos, who has never missed a day despite getting the entire touring crew sick in Denver. Bobby then blames Carlos for any future hantavirus infections he contracts.
Bobby Lee turns to McCone (the production assistant) for a nonpartisan verdict: who is scarier to work with, Bobby or Andrew? McCone's answer without hesitation: Andrew. Bobby takes this as vindication that Carlos treats him worse precisely because he's the easier target — not the harder boss.
Not all cruises are Adam Devine cruises. Bobby Lee identifies a specific type he calls the 'white people adventurism cruise' — Kilimanjaro, cave spelunking, ancient temples. These are the people who discovered caves in Vietnam before the Vietnamese bothered to look inside. And now they've brought hantavirus back from Argentina via bird-watching.
Bobby Lee's entire concert rider has two items: water and sugar-free Red Bull. Add a stool on stage and a meal, and that's it. He contrasts this with the mythological complexity of Michael Jackson's rider, arguing Carlos's characterization of him as a difficult artist is completely unjustified by the facts.
Bobby Lee has had enough. His tour manager Carlos (Fancy) vapes tobacco, barely eats, and has been on an avocado toast and smoothie diet for a year. Bobby calls him an ogre, a troll, and a dragon — then offers him a 'hygiene bump' financial incentive. Andrew's cologne tutorial and Bobby's taint-spray technique don't help matters.
Bobby Lee visited an eye doctor for the first time and was genuinely shocked to discover he'd been half-blind his whole life. The doctor walked him outside and put glasses on him — Bobby immediately saw trees across the street he couldn't make out before, calling it a miracle. Andrew's response: 'It's just glasses. They were invented in 1268.'
Analysis
What they talk about
- Comedy 75%
- Health & Fitness 25%
Connections
Shows they appear on and people they share episodes with. Drag to explore.
