Podbit · Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships
A 2009 qualitative study found that people often went back to exes not because the relationship had improved, but because new dating experiences were simply disappointing by comparison. It's settling upward from a bad situation, not choosing the right person.
Where this was said
At 33:25 · chapter starts 29:55
Emily shifts to the documented costs of relationship churning, citing a 2009 University of Texas at Austin study of 445 college students — two-thirds of whom had experienced an on-again/off-again relationship. Those couples reported significantly lower feelings of love and understanding compared to those in stable relationships. [1] — Emily Matlack "On-again/off-again reduces love & understanding: A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found on-again/off-again partners…" 30:40 Jace proposes an alternative read: perhaps the low positivity scores aren't just a product of the churning, but a cause — people may be cycling back not because the relationship was great, but because being alone felt worse or because self-esteem left them feeling there were no better options. Dedeker adds the repair-debt framing that opened the episode: getting back together isn't a neutral restart but a relationship that begins already carrying the pain of having been dumped or dumped someone, creating a 'laundry list' of work before the connection can even feel stable. [2] — Dedeker Winston "Repair debt when getting back together: Getting back together with an ex isn't a clean reset — there is a 'laundry list' of repair work inc…" 31:50 Each cycle compounds this, digging the attachment-security hole a little deeper every time.
A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found that people in on-again/off-again relationships reported significantly less love, stability, and understanding than those in consistently stable relationships. The cycle itself — not just the incompatibility — seems to corrode connection.
A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found on-again/off-again partners reported significantly less love and understanding than those in stable relationships.
Getting back together with an ex isn't a clean reset — there is a 'laundry list' of repair work including processing past pain like having been dumped, meaning the relationship starts slightly in the negative.
Rekindling with an ex means taking on a substantial repair job before the relationship can even feel neutral. There's the work of diagnosing what went wrong, but also the raw emotional reality that someone did the dumping — and that wounds don't vanish when you get back together.
Dedeker Winston observed that each on-again/off-again cycle digs the 'security hole' of the relationship a little deeper, compounding attachment instability with every reconciliation and split.
A 2009 qualitative follow-up study found that participants returned to exes not because the original relationship improved, but because new dating experiences felt worse by comparison.
Erin Brockovich describes data center expansion as 'a full-on assault' hitting communities across water, electricity, noise, air pollution, and land loss. She calls it the biggest bipartisan conversation she's seen in her 30-year career — and warns that tech companies didn't see the coming backlash.
Demanding an emergency fund balance on a first date is the wrong approach. What you're really looking for is someone with character, maturity, and a direction — not a perfect financial snapshot. You can build a budget in 20 minutes; you can't build character that fast.
The fear of not being financially ready to have children is almost always a failure to run the real budget. On $110K a year, you can afford a child. What you can't afford is the fantasy nursery, the bigger car, and staying home on one income without a plan.
You've already said enough. The enabling, the financial dysfunction, the fear it'll land in your lap — if you can't say yes with full confidence, the answer is no. Tell Mom to rent a cheap one-bedroom, sell her house, and buy a condo near the grandkids instead.
Bobby watching a father hold his baby triggered an existential moment: he and Andrew might be missing fatherhood. They priced out adoption ($40K–$70K private, $0–$2K foster care) and briefly considered adopting a child to timeshare like a condo.
In 1950, 60% of the world lived in extreme poverty. Today it's roughly 1 in 10. Capitalism and economic growth did that — nothing else has ever worked at scale. The challenge now isn't generating enough wealth; it's building the political will to distribute it.
The manosphere begins with genuinely useful advice — get fit, be ambitious, find a partner. But it rapidly devolves into dominance, misogyny, and crypto university grifts. The most famous manosphere figures are running $50-a-month Ponzi schemes, exploiting the very loneliness they pretend to cure.
Throughout human history, only 40% of men have ever reproduced. Romantic success has never been guaranteed — it has always required effort, self-development, and resilience. The incel movement's core lie is telling men they're owed something that no man has ever been owed.
The most common word Scott Galloway has heard in his life is no. That's not a failure — it's the mechanism through which great yeses are earned. For shy young men, the path forward is simple: approach people, accept rejection, repeat. Resilience to discomfort is the only real competitive advantage.
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