Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

Snapshot · Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex: Great Idea or Terrible Idea?

Explore episode May 12, 2026

Where this was said

The Toxic Side: On-Again/Off-Again Relationships and Repair Debt

At 30:40 · chapter starts 29:55

Emily shifts to the documented costs of relationship churning, citing a 2009 University of Texas at Austin study of 445 college students — two-thirds of whom had experienced an on-again/off-again relationship. Those couples reported significantly lower feelings of love and understanding compared to those in stable relationships. Jace proposes an alternative read: perhaps the low positivity scores aren't just a product of the churning, but a cause — people may be cycling back not because the relationship was great, but because being alone felt worse or because self-esteem left them feeling there were no better options. Dedeker adds the repair-debt framing that opened the episode: getting back together isn't a neutral restart but a relationship that begins already carrying the pain of having been dumped or dumped someone, creating a 'laundry list' of work before the connection can even feel stable. Each cycle compounds this, digging the attachment-security hole a little deeper every time.

Health & Fitness
The On-Again/Off-Again Trap: What the Research Actually Shows

578 - Getting Back Together with an Ex: Great Idea or Terri… · May 12, 2026 Health & Fitness

A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found that people in on-again/off-again relationships reported significantly less love, stability, and understanding than those in consistently stable relationships. The cycle itself — not just the incompatibility — seems to corrode connection.

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