Snapshot · Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships
Getting back together with an ex isn't a clean reset — there is a 'laundry list' of repair work including processing past pain like having been dumped, meaning the relationship starts slightly in the negative.
Where this was said
At 31:50 · chapter starts 29:55
Emily shifts to the documented costs of relationship churning, citing a 2009 University of Texas at Austin study of 445 college students — two-thirds of whom had experienced an on-again/off-again relationship. Those couples reported significantly lower feelings of love and understanding compared to those in stable relationships. [1] — Emily Matlack "On-again/off-again reduces love & understanding: A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found on-again/off-again partners…" 30:40 Jace proposes an alternative read: perhaps the low positivity scores aren't just a product of the churning, but a cause — people may be cycling back not because the relationship was great, but because being alone felt worse or because self-esteem left them feeling there were no better options. Dedeker adds the repair-debt framing that opened the episode: getting back together isn't a neutral restart but a relationship that begins already carrying the pain of having been dumped or dumped someone, creating a 'laundry list' of work before the connection can even feel stable. [2] — Dedeker Winston "Repair debt when getting back together: Getting back together with an ex isn't a clean reset — there is a 'laundry list' of repair work inc…" 31:50 Each cycle compounds this, digging the attachment-security hole a little deeper every time.
A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found that people in on-again/off-again relationships reported significantly less love, stability, and understanding than those in consistently stable relationships. The cycle itself — not just the incompatibility — seems to corrode connection.
A 2009 University of Texas study of 445 college students found on-again/off-again partners reported significantly less love and understanding than those in stable relationships.
Rekindling with an ex means taking on a substantial repair job before the relationship can even feel neutral. There's the work of diagnosing what went wrong, but also the raw emotional reality that someone did the dumping — and that wounds don't vanish when you get back together.
Dedeker Winston observed that each on-again/off-again cycle digs the 'security hole' of the relationship a little deeper, compounding attachment instability with every reconciliation and split.
A 2009 qualitative follow-up study found that participants returned to exes not because the original relationship improved, but because new dating experiences felt worse by comparison.
A 2009 qualitative study found that people often went back to exes not because the relationship had improved, but because new dating experiences were simply disappointing by comparison. It's settling upward from a bad situation, not choosing the right person.
San Francisco's average rent rose 18% over the past two years to $3,728/month, surpassing New York City as the most expensive rental market in the country.
San Francisco's average monthly rent now stands at $3,728, surpassing New York City to become the most expensive rental city in the United States.
At a childhood sleepover, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises on his face and he walked 7 miles home on a dirt road before being picked up by Eric Purvis's mom.
In 1950, about 60% of the world lived in extreme poverty; today it's about 1 in 10, attributable to capitalist economic growth.
From 2021 to 2024, 6 million children fell below the poverty line in the US after the expanded child tax credit expired.
Private domestic infant and international adoptions typically cost $40,000 to $70,000, while foster care adoption is the most affordable route at $0 to $2,000.
Historically, only 40% of men have ever reproduced — Galloway uses this to argue that romantic success requires effort, not a hall pass.
Robby Hoffman is the 7th of 10 children raised in a Hasidic household in Montreal, where the family was poor and comedy was a survival mechanism.
Robby's Hasidic community had no concept of 'too soon' in comedy — if it was funny, you threw it, and if you bombed, your sibling told you immediately.
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