Where this was said
Bad Reason #1: Just Missing Them
At 15:15 · chapter starts 14:35
Stephanie begins her framework with the most common and seductive bad reason: the emotional pull of missing someone. She's emphatic that this feeling, however overwhelming, is almost always present after a breakup and tells you very little about whether getting back together is wise. Many people mistake the discomfort of grief as a signal that they made the wrong call — that if the breakup were truly the right thing, they wouldn't feel so awful. So they scramble back to the familiar comfort zone of the relationship, not because it was working, but because the alternative feels unbearable. [1] — Stephanie Rigg "Missing someone after a breakup is biologically inevitable and happens even after the most toxic relationships. Using that longing as your …" 14:30 The problem, Stephanie notes, is that none of the underlying issues will have been resolved in that scenario. Love is necessary but not sufficient — you need more than mutual longing.
Feeling grief and longing after a breakup is universal and expected, even when the relationship was unhealthy — so missing someone alone is never sufficient justification for reconciliation.
Getting back with an ex because you're demoralised by dating, or scared of being alone, isn't a romantic reunion — it's scarcity thinking. It's unfair to your ex and dishonest to yourself, and it's unlikely to create the relationship you actually want.
Dreading single life or feeling demoralised by dating again is not a sound basis for rekindling; it reflects scarcity thinking rather than genuine desire for the relationship.
