Modern Wisdom

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The Painful Psychological Cost Of Becoming A Dad - Darby Saxbe - #1129

Explore episode Jul 27, 2026

Where this was said

The Truth Behind the Deadbeat Dad Narrative

At 33:51 · chapter starts 33:48

The 'deadbeat dad' narrative is partly true and largely oversimplified. Saxbe charts the data: in 1960, 88% of American kids lived with a father at home; that fell to a nadir of 67% in 2005 before rebounding to around 76% today — a U-shaped trend that the binary absent/present framing entirely misses. Many non-residential fathers are deeply involved in caregiving; the real variable is the degree of engagement, not a simple presence or absence. Saxbe makes the point personal, describing how her own parents' divorce led to her father transitioning from a relatively hands-off caregiver to a fully primary parent on alternating weeks. She closes the segment with the story of a man who spent 3 years in jail during his son's early childhood, reconnected through parenting classes, and now directs a Project Fatherhood programme at Homeboy Industries in LA — a testament to the dial's ability to be turned back up at any point.

Society & Culture
The Deadbeat Dad Narrative Is More Complicated Than You Think

The Painful Psychological Cost Of Becoming A Dad - Darby Sa… · Jul 27, 2026 Society & Culture

Father absence peaked in 2005 when only 67% of US kids lived with a dad — down from 88% in 1960. But that number has since rebounded to 76%. The real picture is more nuanced: many non-residential fathers are deeply involved, and the binary of absent vs. present misses the many shades of paternal engagement.

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