Speaker
Jared Goldstein
Appearances over time
1 episodes
Episodes
1Podcasts
Quotes & moments
When the most attractive woman Jared Goldstein had ever seen asked him point-blank if he was gay, he panicked and said no, then hid from her the rest of the night before coming clean a month later — they're still friends.
Jared Goldstein performed five minutes of stand-up on a Zoom charity show in March 2020 without realizing the audience audio was muted — he thought he was bombing in silence until he finally heard laughs.
Shayne Topp recounted the legendary Reddit 'poop knife' story: a man who grew up with a family bathroom knife specifically for breaking up large stools visited his girlfriend's family and confidently asked where their poop knife was — only to discover his family was the only one that had one.
A 23-year-old man hooked up with a bisexual stranger 25 years his senior, then started dating a 20-year-old woman — only to meet her father at a park and recognize him immediately. The dad later confessed and asked his daughter to dump the boyfriend so he could pursue the guy himself.
When the most attractive woman Jared Goldstein had ever encountered asked him point-blank if he was gay, he panicked, said no, and then sprinted to a friend for advice on 'figuring out how to be straight.' They're still friends — she was flattered when he finally came clean a month later.
A boss's response to an employee walking in and saying 'I am gay' was to ask if he had any marketing insights for that demographic. What followed was a cascade of awkwardness, a mutual friend scolding, and a Reddit post asking if the boss was the asshole. He wasn't — and the update revealed the employee later got engaged to the boss's brother.
Jared Goldstein described how being someone people come out to is one of the greatest honors he's experienced. He then addressed anyone still in the closet directly: 'Come out to me. I have so much compassion. I have good stuff to say to you.'
Robert, convinced his wife was cheating, pointed across the factory floor at his openly gay colleague — a man with a male fiancé and pride stickers all over his car — and demanded a paternity test. The accusation destroyed Robert's marriage, spawned threatening voicemails, and ended with a Reddit post explaining why the gay man texted the wife directly.
Jared Goldstein articulated something rarely named: a brand of straight male narcissism where a man convinces himself a gay person might be faking their orientation in order to covertly access his partner. It's not just ignorance — it's a collision of homophobia, sexism, and profound insecurity.
Jared Goldstein's first Zoom stand-up show was on March 15, 2020 — day one of pandemic lockdowns. He performed five minutes of jokes in silence thinking he was bombing, then finally heard laughter and realized the audience had been muted the whole time. A masterclass in bad timing.
A man channeled a famous viral clip — barging in on someone who didn't flush — and used his loudest Scottish accent to re-enact it in his boyfriend's home office. His boyfriend was presenting to his entire company on a video call. The sign on the door had been forgotten.
Jared Goldstein ended the episode by sharing a genuine realization: his butt has no idea that anyone is offended by its natural functions. It's just a sweet little butt doing its best. Hard to argue with that.
A 29-year-old doctor took her niece to the school nurse, who complimented her looks, claimed she 'owed her,' and said she'd 'find a way to make it up to her.' The doctor posted to Reddit asking if she was rude. Thousands of commenters had to explain: she was flirting with you. The update? Beach walk, dinner, seven months of dating.
Chanse McCrary and Shayne Topp observed a persistent double standard: straight men rarely object to women who have been with women — often the opposite — while some straight women see any same-sex history in a male partner as an absolute dealbreaker. That asymmetry, they argue, is a big reason bisexual men stay closeted.
Analysis
What they talk about
- Comedy 50%
- Society & Culture 50%
Connections
Shows they appear on and people they share episodes with. Drag to explore.
