Podbit · Smosh Reads Reddit Stories
Jared Goldstein ended the episode by sharing a genuine realization: his butt has no idea that anyone is offended by its natural functions. It's just a sweet little butt doing its best. Hard to argue with that.
Where this was said
At 57:10 · chapter starts 51:55
After the Zoom call story triggers a digression about Jared's early pandemic stand-up experience, the group devolves into a deeply enjoyable conversation about bodily functions and FaceTime etiquette. Jared wonders whether it's appropriate to burp while on a family FaceTime call from your own home; Chanse says yes and Shayne gives a context-dependent ruling. Jared then delivers his closing philosophical monologue: while getting ready, he heard his own fart and felt a sudden wave of empathy — his butt is just a 'sweet little butt' that has no awareness of social norms. Shayne wraps up with a brief explanation of the famous Reddit poop knife story for uninitiated listeners (Jared and Chanse), before all three say goodbye and wish the audience a happy Pride.
Jared Goldstein's first Zoom stand-up show was on March 15, 2020 — day one of pandemic lockdowns. He performed five minutes of jokes in silence thinking he was bombing, then finally heard laughter and realized the audience had been muted the whole time. A masterclass in bad timing.
Jared Goldstein performed five minutes of stand-up on a Zoom charity show in March 2020 without realizing the audience audio was muted — he thought he was bombing in silence until he finally heard laughs.
Shayne Topp recounted the legendary Reddit 'poop knife' story: a man who grew up with a family bathroom knife specifically for breaking up large stools visited his girlfriend's family and confidently asked where their poop knife was — only to discover his family was the only one that had one.
Shayne explained the famous Reddit 'poop knife' story — a man discovered his family's bathroom knife for breaking up large stools was not a universal household item when he visited his girlfriend's family.
A broken pipe turned the Bad Friends studio into a hydrogen sulfide chamber. The crew denied smelling anything — which, as Andrew pointed out, makes their home lives deeply suspicious.
At a childhood sleepover in Sacramento, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises all over his face while he slept. He woke up, cried, and walked 7 miles down a dirt road before Eric Purvis's mom drove out to retrieve him.
On KSI's Make Me Laugh show, Bobby Lee got slapped so hard he fell and briefly blacked out — 5 minutes into the event. The rule was to use a tortilla, but the contestant used his bare hand instead.
What starts as a riff on Amber Alerts turns into an elaborate Speed remake: Bobby is a Hollywood tour guide whose bus shares a route with a kidnapper's identical bus, there's a bomb on board, and Keanu Reeves needs to be called immediately.
Their producer riffs a conspiracy theory about Lindsey Graham's death in Kyiv, which somehow leads to Bobby and Andrew discovering that every lyric of 'A Whole New World' from Aladdin secretly describes 9/11. They are disturbingly convincing.
Bobby Lee woke up Saturday morning to find three children splashing in his pool, along with a professionally hired swimming teacher — all arranged by friends who have keys to his house. His response: 'There's just too much joy here.'
Harold Ramis told a story about Caddyshack's cast doing drugs all day and night during Florida storm delays, with half their pay going to cocaine. Bobby Lee immediately wants to make that exact movie — and offers to relapse to do it.
Robby Hoffman had never heard of 'new towels.' A towel, in her world, was built with the house. When Sarah Silverman announced she'd bought new pool towels, it was a class-gap revelation.
Will Arnett pitched the perfect rich-person home for Robby: seven-hundred-thread-count sheets and brand-new towels — but a tiny, wrecked kitchen with a coil stove, chips, and Sprite. Best of both worlds.
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