Podbit · 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Bert Kreischer sent plaster casts of his own penis to his closest friends to celebrate his Netflix show Free Bird. Jelly Roll reveals his is displayed on the mantle next to a Bible. Tom Segura's is still in an unopened box.
Where this was said
At 13:55 · chapter starts 2:50
Jelly Roll arrives to a hero's welcome and immediately the conversation goes deep. Bert introduces him as having crossed the finish line of the first 5K at over 500 pounds and now weighing in somewhere between 250 and 270. The stories that follow are both hilarious and devastating: counting stairs before entering a venue, Googling restaurants to zoom in on chair width, being unable to turn around in airplane bathrooms and having to back in to use the toilet, tying shoelaces off to the side because bending down is out of the question. [1] — Jelly Roll "Jelly Roll reveals he was drinking a liter of tequila a day at 500 pounds and didn't have 30 more months left to live. The 2 Bears 5K was t…" 09:13 Jelly Roll reveals the emotional core — he was drinking a liter of tequila a day, weighed 500 pounds, and knew he had no more than 30 more months left in him. The 2 Bears 5K was the non-judgmental, come-as-you-are space he needed. He tallies up the weight lost by just five people he knows at the event and arrives at 1,000 pounds. [2] — Jelly Roll "That is 1,000 pounds in just us that have been lost. Just these are the 5 stories I know." 11:35 The segment closes on a lighter note: Bert sent plaster casts of his penis to friends to celebrate Free Bird, and Jelly Roll's is displayed on his mantle next to a Bible.
Jelly Roll started the 2 Bears 5K journey at over 500 pounds and now weighs between 250 and 270 pounds, a loss of nearly 300 pounds.
Jelly Roll describes a fan who heard about the first 5K, lost 300 pounds to run the second, met his wife at the Tampa race, and is now back for a third year with her. It's the purest distillation of what the event has become.
Jelly Roll and Bert Kreischer trade stories about the embarrassing logistics of being extremely obese — counting stairs at venues, backing into airplane bathrooms to avoid needing to turn around, tying shoes off to the side, and never fitting on a roller coaster until age 41.
Jelly Roll rode a roller coaster for the first time ever at age 41 after losing weight, having previously been too large to ride.
Jelly Roll hadn't seen his own penis in 30 years due to his weight. The Hey Macarena was the biggest song on the radio the last time he had. Now that it's back, he says it looks like a pug — nose finally out but draped to the side.
Jelly Roll reveals he was drinking a liter of tequila a day at 500 pounds and didn't have 30 more months left to live. The 2 Bears 5K was the jolt he needed — and now he's nearly 300 pounds lighter and shaved 14 minutes off his race time.
A broken pipe turned the Bad Friends studio into a hydrogen sulfide chamber. The crew denied smelling anything — which, as Andrew pointed out, makes their home lives deeply suspicious.
At a childhood sleepover in Sacramento, Bobby Lee's friends drew penises all over his face while he slept. He woke up, cried, and walked 7 miles down a dirt road before Eric Purvis's mom drove out to retrieve him.
On KSI's Make Me Laugh show, Bobby Lee got slapped so hard he fell and briefly blacked out — 5 minutes into the event. The rule was to use a tortilla, but the contestant used his bare hand instead.
What starts as a riff on Amber Alerts turns into an elaborate Speed remake: Bobby is a Hollywood tour guide whose bus shares a route with a kidnapper's identical bus, there's a bomb on board, and Keanu Reeves needs to be called immediately.
Their producer riffs a conspiracy theory about Lindsey Graham's death in Kyiv, which somehow leads to Bobby and Andrew discovering that every lyric of 'A Whole New World' from Aladdin secretly describes 9/11. They are disturbingly convincing.
Bobby Lee woke up Saturday morning to find three children splashing in his pool, along with a professionally hired swimming teacher — all arranged by friends who have keys to his house. His response: 'There's just too much joy here.'
Harold Ramis told a story about Caddyshack's cast doing drugs all day and night during Florida storm delays, with half their pay going to cocaine. Bobby Lee immediately wants to make that exact movie — and offers to relapse to do it.
Robby Hoffman had never heard of 'new towels.' A towel, in her world, was built with the house. When Sarah Silverman announced she'd bought new pool towels, it was a class-gap revelation.
Will Arnett pitched the perfect rich-person home for Robby: seven-hundred-thread-count sheets and brand-new towels — but a tiny, wrecked kitchen with a coil stove, chips, and Sprite. Best of both worlds.
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