Where this was said
Bad Reason #2: Fear of Being Alone or the Dating Pool
At 17:45 · chapter starts 16:45
The second bad reason Stephanie identifies is fear: specifically the fear of being alone or the dawning dread that the alternative to a known (if imperfect) relationship might be worse. For many people, re-entering single life is not an exciting prospect — online dating is exhausting, demoralising, and lackluster. When the first few dates disappoint, it becomes easy to retroactively downgrade all the genuine problems in the previous relationship by comparison. Stephanie is careful not to shame anyone for thinking this way — it's very human, she says, and entirely understandable. But a scarcity mindset rooted in loneliness is not a foundation for rebuilding a relationship that ended because it wasn't working, and it isn't fair to either person. [1] — Stephanie Rigg "Getting back with an ex because you're demoralised by dating, or scared of being alone, isn't a romantic reunion — it's scarcity thinking. …" 16:40
Dreading single life or feeling demoralised by dating again is not a sound basis for rekindling; it reflects scarcity thinking rather than genuine desire for the relationship.
When an avoidant partner reappears wanting to sweep things under the rug without any acknowledgment of what they did or why it happened, the relationship hasn't changed — only the distance has. Going back under those conditions almost guarantees a repeat of the exact same cycle.
